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the wooden anniversary 12/13/2010
We've been married a little over four years, and we
just celebrated our "Wooden Anniversary."
Yeah, I asked my wife to blow me, and she woodnt !!!
1 Comments, 50 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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birthday gifts 12/13/2010
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband
thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for
her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this
time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
year!"
1 Comments, 63 Views,
0 Votes
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fine wine 12/13/2010
"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his
guests at his birthday bash. "I've aged like
a fine old carefully stored wine."
"I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up
his obviously long suffering wife. "Henry's
cork's been stationary for years."
1 Comments, 61 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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guardian angels 12/13/2010
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop!
Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall
down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was
going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still!
If you take one more step a car will run over you ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
0 Votes
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lil ohnny in 1st grade 12/13/2010
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat. "What Animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie. "Good job! Now, what is this Animal?" "A dog!" said Eddie. "Good! Now what Animal is this?" she asked,
holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After
a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's
what your mom calls your dad." "A ...
1 Comments, 115 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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barely used 12/13/2010
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified
to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just
as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband
stopped her with these words:
Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.
Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking
tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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saving it up 12/13/2010
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted
raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning
at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay
tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face
and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident.
Fifteen minutes later the young bride ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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to whom it may concern.... 12/13/2010
The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle
of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The
doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge
him to ICU, where therapy continues.
In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes
into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that
you are completely well. You have the heart function that you ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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early from work 12/13/2010
A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his
best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and
says, "My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU
???"
1 Comments, 98 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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curiosity 12/13/2010
My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where
the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see
if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she
would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other
woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."
1 Comments, 117 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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hmmmmmmmmmmm! 12/13/2010
After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired
to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found
some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned
in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured
them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more
than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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amazed 12/13/2010
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up
on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos
of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get.
Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him
he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are
sitting there ...
1 Comments, 97 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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LOL! 12/13/2010
TO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 ...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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newlyweds 12/13/2010
To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish! Your cunt is as big as a dish!" She replied, "Why, you fool, With your limp little tool It's like driving a nail with a fish!"
1 Comments, 71 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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travelling man 12/13/2010
My wife, when I traveled away, Made sly extramarital hay, And partied for hours With chosen endowers, And often came back the next day.
1 Comments, 79 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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headache cure?? 12/13/2010
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect" her husband said. "I was just
in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, ... it's up to you!"
2 Comments, 94 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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just like marriage 12/13/2010
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves
in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment,
they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man
on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says,
"I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering
if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
...
1 Comments, 188 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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the caring wife 12/13/2010
When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer,
he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later,
he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside,
the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition
could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously
rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was ...
1 Comments, 224 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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WEATHERING MARRIAGE 12/13/2010
What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common?
Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking,
and then next thing you know your house is gone!
2 Comments, 209 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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middle aged couple 12/13/2010
The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the
Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model.
The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor
and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.
One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the
wall between the two apartments. There being no ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
0 Votes
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private investigator 12/13/2010
My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where
the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see
if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she
would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other
woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."
1 Comments, 53 Views,
0 Votes
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deaj au vous? 12/13/2010
After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired
to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found
some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned
in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured
them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more
than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
0 Votes
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conseling 12/13/2010
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem.
She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is
that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's
the one that suffers, not me."
1 Comments, 48 Views,
0 Votes
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morning rituals 12/13/2010
What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning?
-Sends him to work.
1 Comments, 22 Views,
0 Votes
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isnt life interesting? 12/13/2010
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those
gals to let us play through." He walked out to the ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
0 Votes
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his last request..... 12/13/2010
Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners
after his Sunday morning service as he always does when
Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. "What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired
Farther O'Grady. "Oh, father, I've got terrible news."
Replied Mary. "Well what is it, Mary?" "Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."
"Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's
terrible. Tell me ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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amazing foods 12/13/2010
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
sex drive by 90 percent.
Wedding cake!
1 Comments, 28 Views,
0 Votes
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all the thanks i need.... 12/13/2010
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's
face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that
they couldn't graft any skin from her body because
she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some
of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was
suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed ...
1 Comments, 88 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score
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freudian slips??? 12/13/2010
One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into
an Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at
a coffee house. Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst
out crying. Her friend begged her to share what was wrong. "Oh, it's just terrible, " she wailed.
"Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know,
he's a married man!"
1 Comments, 38 Views,
0 Votes
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a meeting called 12/13/2010
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was
less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to
follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed
on the "other man".
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a
loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come
onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to ...
1 Comments, 74 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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