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Groups > Local Groups > Canada Groups > Ontario Groups > The New Barrie and area board

266 views

wine_dine_69_69
191 Comments
 A blond gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she asks..
'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.

The blond rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!'

The blond slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

'You 'Bitch', she screams.

'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!'

wine_dine_69_69
191 Comments
 The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoo’s plus 9 cuckoo’s = 12 cuckoo’s: MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... He didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

BigRooster662
85 Comments
 If a man is alone in the forest,
And there is no woman to hear him,
Would he still be wrong?

eatall79
14 Comments
 Rejected by a computer... OUCH!

mysterioust3
70 Comments
 Regardless of the joke I think you are sexy as all hell. Damn your husband is a lucky man. I'd love to caress your entire body with my tongue. Stay sexy you dirty thing.

handmeyourwife
23 Comments
 Instant Irish
Say this 3 times fast
Whale Oil Beef Hooked

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