Funny
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Posted:Jul 19, 2009 12:13 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 2:21 pm
1084 Views
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Miss Universe Winning Question
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Posted:Jul 10, 2009 11:10 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 2:21 pm
1137 Views
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America
Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman.......
(Applause! Applause!)
Spain
Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Spain: Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro (Bull)
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Spain: Because it charges every time it sees an opening....
(Applause! Applause!)
Philippines
Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.
Questio! n: How c an you say so?
Ms Philippines: Because it passes from mouth to mouth......
(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)
Saudi Arabia
Question: Ms Saudi Arabia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Saudi: Well, I can say that male organs in Saudi are like thieves.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Saudi: Because they like to enter through the back door.....
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
Malaysia
Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia: Look tough but actually very soft................
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! )
Singapore
Question: Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Singapore: Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Singapore: It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over
(Applause! Applau! se! Appl ause! Applause! Applause!)
India
Question: Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms India: Well, I can say the male organs in India are like labourers.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms India: Because it works day and night......
(Applause! Applause! Applause! )
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7 types of Woman Orgasms
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Posted:Jun 7, 2009 8:40 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 2:21 pm
1109 Views
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Optimist - Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes.......
Pessimist - Oh No, Oh No, Oh No........
Confused - Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No.....
Traveller - Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming.....
Religious - Oh God, Oh God.......
Greedy - Ahh, More, more, more.......
Murderer - Ahh, if you take it out, I'll kill you.....
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Singhs Jokes
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Posted:Jun 2, 2009 10:59 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 2:21 pm
1098 Views
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbour, a Singh, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.
A little while later, he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again, looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him, 'Is something wrong?'
To which the ferocious Singh replied, ' There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mails in the mailbox!'
==============================
A Singh was enjoying the sun at a nice beach in a neighbouring country. A lady came and asked him, 'Are you relaxing?' Singh answered, 'No, I am Banta Singh.'
Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, 'No, No, Me Banta Singh!'
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking, he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, 'Are you Relaxing?' The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.'
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!'
==============================
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that the new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance, a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T'
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered....
1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, 'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?'
The Singh replied, 'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,
etc...'
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
==============================
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
'Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,' he says, ' it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief.'
===========================================================================
Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying.
So the other asked him, 'Why are you crying?' He replied, 'I came here for a blood test'
The second Singh asked, 'So? Are you afraid?' He replied, 'During the blood test, they will cut my finger.'
Hearing this, the second Singh started crying like hell. The first one was astonished and asked him, 'Why are you crying?'
To which he replied, 'I have come for my urine test.'
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Six Classic Affairs
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Posted:Jun 2, 2009 10:55 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2009 12:37 pm
1195 Views
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The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a .
They decided to try one last time for the they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new .
He was horrified at the ugliest he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead??"
The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
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10 Commandments of marriage
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Posted:May 15, 2009 1:50 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2009 8:58 am
1173 Views
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Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand--and divorce is at least 100 grand! (Of course in western countries, paying settlements...)
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks& the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks & the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak & the neighbours listen.......
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is!
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man & woman become as one, the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical & a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
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10 meaningful sentences In chinese (if cant view the characters, try changing the Encoding
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Posted:May 3, 2009 8:50 pm
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2009 6:47 pm
1274 Views
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只有十句话，我却看了十分钟
第一句
如果我们之间有1000步
你只要跨出第1步
我就会朝你的方向走其余的999步
第二句
通常愿意留下来跟你争吵的人
才是真正爱你的人
第三句
付出真心 才会得到真心
却也可能伤得彻底
保持距离 就能保护自己
却也注定永远寂寞
第四句
有时候 不是对方不在乎你
而是你把对方看得太重
第五句
朋友就是把你看透了 还能喜欢你的人
第六句
就算是believe 中间也藏了一个lie
第七句
真正的好朋友
并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题
而是在一起 就算不说话
也不会感到尴尬
第八句
没有一百分的另一半
只有五十分的两个
第九句
为你的难过而快乐的 是敌人
为你的快乐而快乐的 是朋友
为你的难过而难过的
就是那些 该放进心里的人 !
第十句
冷漠 有时候并不是无情
只是一种避免被伤害的工具
这十句话很有深度，很有意思。认真去思考，你会得到意想不到的收获。
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Things girls don't realized......
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Posted:Apr 21, 2009 8:15 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2009 9:19 am
1136 Views
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Things girls don't realize....
1. Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer than you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
2. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
8. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a bitch Goodbye.
9. Giving a guy a hanging message like 'You know what?!..uh...nevermind..' would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
10. Girls are guys' weaknesses.
11. Guys are very open about themselves.
12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
14. Guys love you more than you love them.
15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.
16. No matter how much guys talk about butts and boobs, personality is key.
17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, 'Please come and listen to me.'
23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
32. Not all guys are jerks. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of them.
33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs. haha it's true..
34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.
36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.
37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.
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Basic needs
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Posted:Apr 18, 2009 12:11 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2009 9:28 pm
1338 Views
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Today overheard two ladies chatting....
One of them was saying..that she just broke off with her boyfriend. She was telling her friend tat she dun need her boyfriend to give her very luxery live but at least must be able to satisfy her basic need which is SEX. She finds that her boyfriend's dicky is too small to satisfy her.
After married for few years, I tend to agreed with the lady..of cos not on the size of the dicky but at least must be able to satisfy other half's certain basic needs esp SEX.
Sex does play an important role in successful marriage. Some may think that this is just an excuse that guys used to give themselve when they have affair outside the marriage. But i do believed that this applys to ladies too.
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Why Sex ????
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Posted:Mar 31, 2009 2:05 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2009 10:37 am
1392 Views
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+Some stuff on the guys+
------------ --------- ---------
1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 4-5 inches long when erect; no matter what you have heard ladies, that's the truth. Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong.
3) 80% of American men are circumcise, though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say nothing but time can make your penis grow. (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called 'prostatic congestion.'
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates
+Some stuff on the ladies+
------------ --------- ---------
1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves 'attractive' (20% of British women do). 43% of women use the term 'natural', 24% say they have 'average' looks, 8% prefer the term 'feminine', 7% say they are 'good looking', and 7% say they are 'cute', and finally only 2% of women say they are 'sexy'.
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants. (thats a lot !! )
4) 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.
5) 95% of women shave their privates.
+Both+
--------------------------------
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women.
2) 70% of high schoolers have had sex before they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage.
3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.
4) Teens are most likely to have sex for the first time in JUNE.
5) First-time intercourse is often unplanned, meaning it's less likely teens will use contraception.
6) Virginity is often lost with a person they HAVEN'T been dating.
+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+
---------------------------------------------
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women
Who don't have sex.
4) Makes you look better; problem is that ugly people don't get any. Sex releases hormones which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are.
Do You Know?
----------------------------------------
Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!!!!
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Distant of our harts
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Posted:Mar 22, 2009 12:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2009 6:53 pm
1142 Views
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A saint asked his disciples, "Why do we shout when they are angry?" Disciples could not come up with a good answer.
Finally, the saint said, "When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distant themselves. So, their hearts have to shout out loud in order for them to hear each other. And the angrier they are, the stronger they have to shout to hear each other through that great distance."
"Consequently, when two people fall in love, they talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close."
The saint continued, "When their love grew, the distance gets smaller and smaller, their hearts get nearer and nearer. They do not speak, just a whisper and they know each other. Eventually, they don't whisper, a look or a nod and they understand. This is how close two people are when they love each other."
Aint this a good check to know if we are distancing our hearts for people around you? Shouldn't we not say words that pull the distance further apart when we are angry? Aint it better to cool down, let the gap close up, then speak?
Otherwise, if the gap continues to increase, there will come a day when the distance is so great, the hearts lost their way and never find each other again.
They part even before the souls leaves..
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This is interesting.....
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Posted:Feb 24, 2009 8:34 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2009 9:59 pm
1115 Views
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someone sent me a sms...it says.....
Fate is like getting .... if you cant fight..learn to enjoy it....
Work is like gang bang... people are behind your ass to take your place...
Education is like hiring a ...it needs both money and hardwork...
Success is like masturbation...only your own hand can let you achieve it......
Quite true....i think 
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Guys don't miss the quotes of the day
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Posted:Jan 26, 2009 8:43 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 2:21 pm
1175 Views
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1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose?
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together = 'don't stop'!
6. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
9. Q : What's an Australian kiss?
A : The same thing as a French kiss, only down under
10. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing.
11. Q : What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? (The best one) A : Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!
12. Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said no, but "her ass meant" yes.
13. Q : What's the difference between a bitch and a ?
A : A sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone
except you.
14. Q : Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A : Breasts don't have eyes.......
15. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!
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To link to this blog (wind_stalker_71) use [blog wind_stalker_71] in your messages.
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