D'Oh
|
Posted:Jan 13, 2011 8:01 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2011 1:48 pm
6368 Views
|
Now I just want to get fucked again 
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
B.
|
Posted:Jan 13, 2011 2:49 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2011 1:15 pm
6310 Views
|
What a great night.
Thank you B.
In a way I feel like a fool. When B. and I met, I initially rejected him because he had a testimonial on his profile. As many of you know, I'm not exactly fond of those. But he wanted to plead his case, and, being that I was still madly attracted to him, I let him.
I'm glad I did. I'm glad I was challenged. He explained why he appreciated the testimonials on his profile, that he often felt people were hesitant to approach him because of his appearance (he has many tattoos and piercings). The testimonials to him were a nice way for someone to say "Don't judge a book by its cover". Despite what other people might anticipate of someone with his appearance, he's kind and fun to be around. In that conversation I instantly felt so guilty for having rejected him. The whole reason I take issue with testimonials comes down to feeling that it devalues human beings and the sexual experience, and here he was asking me not to just throw him away on the basis of one little superficial thing. I felt ashamed of myself.
With all that in mind, we've kept in touch these past months. Despite my wariness at times, he has persevered in keeping contact.
Anyway, last night I decided on a whim to get very drunk very quickly. It was 11:15 and the Applebees down the street (walking distance A+++) closes at midnight so I gussied up and headed out, downing four drinks in the twenty minutes left when I arrived.
I got home about 12:30 and apparently went on YIM, as that's where B. and I often chat. I don't have a memory of having signed in or said hello, but it must have happened somewhere along the way. Lately, I've been hesitant to hook up, for a myriad of reasons that include James, but B. has been patient and kind in his persistence. As drunk as I was, there was no protest in me when he offered to come over. I was lonely and too tossed to see why not, so I gave him directions and my #.
Ah, listen to me talking about it in the past tense when it was just twelve hours ago.
Anyway. B. has a fixation for white women/BBC, and while he'd sent dozens of hot pictures to that effect, I'd never actually seen his cock. I'm pleased to say that while his fetish does depend on the enormity of black cock, he was packing some heat himself. Good heat. THICK heat. I could barely fit it in my mouth. And while I couldn't do much with its piercing while it was so literally stuffed in my mouth, it sure as hell felt nice in my pussy. I'm not even sure how we started having sex, just that one moment we were talking on my bed, and the next he was kissing me, mid sentence.
If I could do it over again I'd take more time to just touch his skin. It felt amazing. I wanted to kiss every inch, lick every inked line and nibble every piercing. I would have taken in every last bit. Fuck you alcohol. I was pleased that he prepared though. Keeping his fetish in mind I made sure to squirm and whimper real good while he stroked his dick and pumped my tiny pussy with a massive black dildo. I seem to remember rubbing his dick with a pair of my panties, too.
It occurs to me just now that he might not have even known what I actually look like until I opened the front door. I'll have to ask about that later. It's odd writing about a sexual encounter had while drunk, wondering if the other person perceived it as you did. I know he enjoyed it, certainly, but I wonder if we will remember the same things.
All together I'm glad someone challenged me for once. In more than one way B. has, and I think I'm better off for it.
Anyway, B. if you're somehow reading this before I've had a chance to ask you directly.
Will you please fuck me like that again?
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Dissident
|
Posted:Dec 20, 2010 11:02 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2011 1:48 pm
6237 Views
|
When I listen to Pearl Jam, I miss Liam.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
I Still Don't Understand...
|
Posted:Dec 15, 2010 2:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2010 4:23 pm
6124 Views
|
...why people go out of their way to say on their profiles (in summation) "I don't have sex with unattractive people." Is there a reason for that? I seriously think this has nothing to do with not getting messages from people you aren't attracted to, and everything to do with one-up manship. Seriously, who goes out of their way to reject people before they've even approached? Assholes that's who.
I just read *another* insufferable profile from a couple who laughably are pulling the "That's it guys! We're leaving NoStrings! No we mean it! Now prove to us that you're worth having sex with!" then go on for pages about how special they are. And then they wonder out loud why it's so hard to find people to sleep with. My god. I'm sure the tedious list of requirement couldn't possibly have anything to do with it.
I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Get. The. Fuck. Over yourselves.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Truth
|
Posted:Dec 9, 2010 2:33 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2011 1:49 pm
6955 Views
|
I only pretend to be one of those "I only give a bj on the first date" type chicks when I'm on the rag.
Yup.
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
RE: James
|
Posted:Dec 6, 2010 11:43 pm
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2010 8:15 pm
6667 Views
|
Well, after processing the emotions of potentially losing out on James today, I'm feeling a bit better. He did eventually text me back, acknowledging my joke and (once again) his busy-ness, but whatever. As beautiful as he is, I guess I was right to say it's just not enough for me, poly or no. The sooner I acknowledge and stop futilely mourning the loss of what I cannot have, the better.
In a totally comical way though I feel like belting out "It must have been love...BUT ITS OVER NOOOOOOWWWWW" right now. Silly.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
I'm Just Not Cut Out For This
|
Posted:Dec 6, 2010 7:50 am
Last Updated:Dec 6, 2010 8:16 am
6276 Views
|
So I texted James this morning, asking if he wanted to get sushi this week. I got a sad emoticon face and the claim he's too swamped after Rio. I apologized, saying I'd backed off because I was aware of his schedule. I then texted that being boner kill doesn't exactly inspire confidence, lol. A joke, of course. One he did not respond to. Not the first time, but not gonna lie, it's poorly timed. I can't see how he could possibly not anticipate that his lack of contradiction, in correlation with the fact that I didn't get to spend the night last week and he's too busy to talk, could be seen as an insult. One that he'd be quick to clear up if he were still interested.
At this point it would be a little hard to convince myself I'm not being rejected. So I'm not going to try.
All I'm going to do is be honest with myself that maybe I'm no longer cut out for hooking up like this. It just hurts too much when someone treats me with a complete lack of respect. In this case, I'm sure James will be busy in perpetuity til I lose interest completely. Whether deliberate or no, I guess I'll never really know for sure, but at this point it doesn't matter. I'm never going to be hot enough or perfect enough to not get rejected sexually over and over and over and over again. So maybe it's best I just bow out. It doesn't matter how fun and engaging I am, or any of my other good qualities. When it comes down to it, unless I invest in some serious plastic surgery, I'm just doomed to be rejected.
It's a very sobering thought.
On a side note, it's very freeing to clear someone off your social networks. At least I won't be driving myself insane running to Skype or Facebook every five minutes. Helps with the ability to move on quite well.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Why I'm Not Sleeping With Conventionally Hot People
|
Posted:Dec 5, 2010 8:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2010 9:59 pm
6280 Views
|
This is an easy one to answer. Because most of you are vain, vapid, and will sexually reject me the moment I show any sign that I may be less perfect than you. And you're entirely unspecial. Now leave me alone so I can find people who are imperfectly beautiful.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Hint
|
Posted:Dec 5, 2010 8:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 6, 2010 8:10 am
6273 Views
|
Search eastsideloveislivingonthewestend. I hear it might be at a SPOT for BLOGS.
In other news, no word from James. Again, he is perpetually busy and I actually didn't hear back from him for at least ten days the first time we were in contact (followed by another week of radio silence) due to the fact, and yet...
well, his boner died in my vagina, what am I supposed to think? Damn I knew I should have finished him off orally.
I'm sure as time goes on the memory will slip away until he's just a beautiful dream I had once.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
"Harder" Is Not A Good Safe Word
|
Posted:Dec 3, 2010 11:18 am
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2010 6:42 pm
6332 Views
|
Good lord I love Sleep Talkin' Man
You know what I do not love? Censorship. By NoStrings in particular, when they remove innocuous links. I have half a mind to move this blog elsewhere, permanently. Message me (standard members can) for the URL to my new blog.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Just To Clarify
|
Posted:Dec 2, 2010 10:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2010 7:26 pm
6806 Views
|
From a few conversations I've had with A. and others, it's becoming clear I need to say this at least once: this blog is a means to process all the inner monologues that we all wrestle with when it comes to sex. My insecurities, my passions, my triumphs, my ups and downs; the only thing that separates me from all of you is that I've chosen to present my honesty in a written form. As you read these, please always keep that in mind. We all go through these processes. I've simply chosen to write mine as I go along. I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve at times...but it's here I choose to do so, instead of in public or with those for whom it'd be awkward or inappropriate. I do so in the hopes that in this community I might find others who understand. Please understand with me.
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
My Brain Hates Me
|
Posted:Dec 2, 2010 7:36 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2011 1:50 pm
6859 Views
|
Just woke up from a dream wherein my brain thought it'd be a fun idea to showcase almost every dude who's ever rejected me, all lined up and ready to reject me once again. Ugh. Even Sacsha was there.
I guess it's on my mind lately. James seems nice, but I'm having a hard time trusting. He's in Rio at the moment (having left without a word), and I know we don't know each other well enough yet for him to have given me the heads up before he left...still...I wonder if James' schedule is too busy even for a poly girl like myself. Just because I have other loves in my life doesn't mean I don't need more from a person I'm connecting with. I don't intend or expect to see him constantly, but a note by now would have been nice. Of course, this is just me being wishy washy but a part of me feels compelled to try and protect itself by assuming he doesn't want me.
Sigh. I'm starting to remember why I took a break from hooking up.
Why is it so hard? I just want someone I can be friends with, who I can enjoy spending time with AND fucking. "Oh but it IS attainable!" you say, "Me! I can do it! Pick me!" But it isn't. Everyone says they're capable of it, but they're not. There's always a complication. Either they think they can treat you callously because they've had sex with you, or they think they can ignore you because you're not their girlfriend. Drama inevitably starts no matter how hard you fight it. Is there any reason to get "weird" after sex if the other person hasn't? If they haven't mentioned a relationship, commitment, emotional dependence or anything of that nature, is there even reason to bolt? Are men just as sexually hung up as women supposedly are, and they can only feel "right" about sex if they compartmentalize a woman into a disposable ? Is it just the ego issues? Why can't I find someone to fuck who doesn't feel threatened or start to deliberately conjure up problems as an excuse to be rid of me? Is it solely for their ego, or are they covering up their own emotional inadequacies? I honestly can't tell.
All I know is I give love freely, without expecting anything but sex and affection in return.
And that it's unusually difficult to find someone who will just stay in bed and fuck to Andrew Bird all day long without treating you like a leper after.
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
Non Fiction #13: James
|
Posted:Nov 28, 2010 9:57 am
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2010 7:58 pm
6782 Views
|
On to James. Here is someone that I feel fairly certain will fit my lifestyle nicely, and probably won't be a jerk. I say probably, because things tend to happen and I'd hate to go out on a limb for someone again and be embarrassed.
But here's hoping it works out. What is lovely about James is that we work in the same industry, and while he is ridiculously busy and does not have the time for a regular relationship, chances are we will meet many times while on the road at the same events, making my job all the more fun. I do love getting fucked while on the road, as it makes the whole thing just that much more fun (and I do love my job, love love love love my job).
After trying to accommodate his busy schedule for a few weeks now, we finally said "fuggit" last night and decided to meet up, slim window of time or no. He has a studio apartment in Belltown, so off I went, three beers into my evening and taking one very expensive cab ride to make the trip. The forty bucks was worth it just to be up from downtown Seattle. The streets were so alive with noise and lights, even in the freezing cold and so late at night. As I made my way up to the corner where he stood waiting, I couldn't help but be impressed by the number of women still dolled up to the nines, breasts and legs exposed, without even a winter jacket. I guess I'm a wimp when it comes to fashion.
I wasn't hungry, and he doesn't drink, so we walked around the block a few times before heading up to his place to chat and mess around.
What does James look like? Dark, wavy hair to his shoulders, with a dark thick goatee. I'd guess either his mom or dad are of partial Asian descent. He is so skinny I could break him with my thighs (a contrasting dynamic that has always been a favorite of mine). Cock about six inches. Our kissing styles seem to be out of sync but nonetheless we made out for hours. I kind of wish we were still making out right now, actually. It was nice. I also kind of wish he had a cock or nipple ring. He'd look good in 'em.
He wears all black, in a sort of pseudo romantic Matrix sense of style that would almost be too much if he had an ounce of douche in him.
He doesn't. He is kind, and laid back. He respected, no, rejoiced at my poly status, and seems thrilled to comply with rules such as "No fucking at my place", "No spending the night at my place", and "You don't get to be #1". With other men I might have chosen to take his enthusiasm personally, as no one wants to be given the coyote ugly treatment before the night's even through, but I don't think it was about me. He seemed stressed by the women in his life asking for too much too quickly, and my policy of never asking more of a person than they can give seemed to resonate with him as I explained it. I can't blame him for that. As much as I'm attracted to him, I would have been disappointed if his goals hadn't synced with mine, too. A relationship is something neither of us can give. A wonderful friendship that I thoroughly enjoy and get to occasionally check in on with no guilt? Sounds good to me. Actually, it sounds like heaven. I can't help but wonder, with excitement, if I've finally found someone who can fully and successfully comply with my ideals. I want a best friend I can fuck, without expectation of commitment on either part, and with no resentment for not being able to provide more, time or relationship wise. It's harder than you think, what with the many who withhold themselves on the expectation that the other will only become attached.
So what happened? After tons of foreplay (including another confirmation that yes, my mouth really does know its way around a cock), teasing, touching, and kissing, his dick actually went limp inside me after penetration. He surprisingly did not blame the condom, but instead his fatigue (which sounds plausible, as he's been working/sleeping/living in 36 hour cycles) and we lay there for a little while, deciding the rest of our night. Had things been different for us both, schedule wise, we'd probably have fucked all night between intervals of sleeping, but alas, the industry we work in is not one that ever let's us take a break. I can forgive him that. He makes it so easy.
He paid for my cab, and with a quick few last seconds of making out on the street, I was off and back home, drifting off to sleep in the back of the cab as rain lashed the windows.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (sickfucks) use [blog sickfucks] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
132
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
