Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Sep 27, 2020 4:01 pm
184238 Views
0 Comments , 36 Pending
Hey! Take it easy! That's my arm!!
Posted:Sep 29, 2020 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2020 3:37 am
491 Views

Nose Hairs was standing next to me in the morning meeting, this morning.

Here's the issue with that....

Nose Hairs is one of those people who playfully punch others in the arm.

Say something funny?? Punctuate that joke with a punch to the arm!

Trying to get someone's attention?? Punch their arm and ask if they're paying attention!

Ready to get out of the hot seat during the meeting end round robin?? Punch the person's arm next to you and say "You're up!!"

Now, I do want to emphasize it is just a playful punch to the arm, but after a while, even those playful punches start to get sensitive.

So, there I stood, the human punching bag, waiting for my turn in the round robin, when he kind of went crazy!

"Ok, you're up!! Whatcha got?? Go!!"

Input barrage of playful arm punches here...

"Ow! My arm!!"

I laughed, but I wasn't exactly exaggerating as I was rubbing my arm. It really did kind of hurt.

"Good Lord, stop hitting her!"

My Evil Twin was coming to my rescue and stepped between the two of us. She and I were both laughing, but it was a really odd moment....

And suddenly I wondered, have I ever done this to anyone else?

Considering I'm not a touch person, my guess is no.... But now I will forever be acutely aware of whether or not I'm a playful puncher.
18 Comments
Fashion Tips from the Spawn
Posted:Sep 28, 2020 10:17 pm
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2020 11:26 pm
564 Views

I went to work today in a white button down shirt, black slacks, and a black open front sweater styled very similarly to a blazer.

These are my work clothes.

I have several pairs of black slacks... But, I also have tan, grey, and navy as well.

I wear a button down nearly every day.... Sometimes with a sweater, sometimes a scarf, sometimes alone.

The Spawn hates the way I dress for work and never misses an opportunity to comment on it. I don't think she realizes, I don't really have a choice in the matter, a professional appearance is something expected out of me.

Would I rather be wearing jeans and a trendy shirt?? Absolutely!!

Do I have that option?? Nope....

So, today when I got home from work, she was already in form. Eyeballing me from head to toe as I threw the mail down on the counter and asked where her brother was, she said to me....

"You look like a priest."

"Like what???"

"You look like a priest. That's a lot of black and white you've got going on, I don't know what they wear, but I'm sure it looks like that."

What a little shit head.

I've heard everything from "that outfit is killing your vibe" to "you might want to rethink those shoes", but this was a first for me.

I look like a priest.

Sometimes, all you can do is shake your head and laugh.
18 Comments
Lazy Sunday Morning
Posted:Sep 27, 2020 5:50 am
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2020 2:09 pm
863 Views
I slept in this mornin..

It felt pretty fucking amazing, be honest. I did wake in the middle of the night last night, which isn't that unusual, but I managed stay asleep once I fell back sleep. Things are looking !

I read an interesting article FB last week about a yoga'esque pose where you lay the floor with your legs against the wall.

Supposedly good for relaxation, digestion, circulation, swollen legs and feet.....

So the skeptic in said myself this morning, I'm doing it!!

While my coffee was brewing, I grabbed a small pillow for my back and put the pose in motion.

Hands flat on the floor next , legs in the air lightly resting against the wall, cat going crazy jumping my face, pawing at my hair, trying climb my legs.....

Relaxation was not present in no way, shape, or form.

I finally gave as the kitty just wasn't going relent... The little shit.

Climbing my feet, I went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and realized my ankle was no longer sore.

Was it my imagination?

Looking down, I saw the swelling was gone in my ankle. For the past 2 days, my right ankle had been sore and swollen and the swelling was gone.

Not sure if it was the pose, or if it had gone away on it's own and I'd only just noticed it, but.... I think I'm going to give this one more experimentation.



Speaking of cat.... How could you not love this face??
26 Comments
Fast Cash and Guns
Posted:Sep 26, 2020 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2020 3:14 pm
998 Views

Sounds kinda sketchy, doesn't it...

Believe it or not, that's the name of a business I drove past today.

Now, if that doesn't make me want to u-turn right into that driveway!! How did they know I wanted my cash fast?? Who knows, while I'm at it... I might as well get a gun!

Add the mandatory face coverings and it's a starter kit for a bank heist.

It was a perfect morning to sleep in... A rainy, thunderstorm morning. It's too bad I couldn't actually, sleep in. Instead I was up and cleaning before it was even light.

When the rain finally quit I decided to venture out... It's nearly peak color where I live, I absolutely love the fall colors. If I could have had one wish, I would have wished for sunshine though.

There just isn't anything quite like a sunny fall day...
20 Comments
It's been a minute....
Posted:Sep 25, 2020 4:03 pm
Last Updated:Sep 27, 2020 10:11 am
1167 Views

I realized today, I'm ready to blog.

I was sitting in the break room for lunch today when, out of the corner of my eye, I could see something kind of close to my head.

Thinking it was someone standing by the trash can to the right of me, I tried to ignore it and continue on with the conversation I had been having.

Then it got closer.

Attempting to not look like a perv by whipping my head around right into someone's ass... I slowly turned my head fully expecting to give the evil eye to a random coworker as they invaded my personal space while fucking around with the trash can.

Only....

Instead of seeing the random coworker standing behind me, I saw a bloody hockey mask inches from my face on the crouched form of Deputy Don.

It was the scream that could be heard around the world.

And then I laughed....

I laughed so hard I was really thinking I might actually wet myself. The more I laughed, the more the people around me laughed, and the more I realized, I haven't laughed like this in ages.

Who could have known a psycho in a bloody hockey mask could bring such joy.

TGIF!
19 Comments
Who's that knocking at me door??
Posted:Sep 9, 2020 5:07 pm
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2020 4:15 pm
4378 Views

Good God, people.....

I go from Office Girl to Bag Lady in 30 seconds flat once I'm home. Goodbye slacks, hello gross, old sweats! That blouse I got compliments on all day?? It's on the FLOOR now and I'm rocking an old faded t-shirt.

Hair up... Makeup off... Black charcoal exfoliating mask all over my face....

"Mom, someone's knocking."

"Oh my God, really?? Look through the peep hole."

"I don't see anyone."

"Good, maybe they're gone."

I was putting the finishing touches on around my jawline when I heard knocking, once again.

"Oh my fucking God! Who in the hell is knocking at the door??"

I was whisper yelling down the hallway at the Spawn as she peeked through the peephole.

"It's the guy across the hall."

"Oh my God. I'm hiding in the bathroom, open the door and ask him what he wants."

Turns out, he just wanted to embarrass the hell out of me.

"Is your mom home? I want to ask her about her wifi."

"She's in the bathroom."

Ugh... He probably thinks I'm pooping.

"She doesn't want to come out because she has black stuff on her face and her sweatpants make her look like a hobo."

Yah, this was way worse than pooping.

"Well, I was wondering if maybe you guys wanted to go half and half on the internet, it's just too expensive. Have her get a hold of me."

Thankfully he left and I haven't heard from him. Not just because I look like a hobo, but, because I don't want to tell him Hell No I'm not going to share my internet. He'd probably pay for half the first month and then be a free loader.

I think I'll pass...
22 Comments
Feeling a 'lil Midlife Crisis a brewing!
Posted:Sep 8, 2020 8:12 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2020 4:44 pm
4535 Views

Let's keep that shit a bay!

I took a mini vacay from work the past 5 days.... It's been fucking amazing. No masks, no coworker drama, no headaches from not wearing my glasses!

I feel pretty good.

I've slept in, watched a million movies, and spent some time on Lake Michigan.... Exactly what I needed to get my mental shit back in order and start resembling my old self.

My pre-crisis self!

True story.... I peed in the wilderness and used a mask as toilet paper. (Probably not the best use for the mask, but damn! I felt like I was making a statement!) I walked on the beach. I watched the lightning light the sky'

While I'd love have more time off... I think I'm ready, once again, face the world.

Happy Tuesday!
22 Comments
Downfalls to this site...
Posted:Sep 6, 2020 5:49 pm
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2020 11:31 am
5813 Views

Has this happened to you?

Have you ever chatted with someone who seemed normal, who seemed like a fairly decent and reputable person, but then received evidence to the contrary?

I briefly chatted with someone last night and, like always, I was pretty honest about my thoughts and opinions in regard to meeting and the site in general. I like to get to know someone first to make sure I know what I'm getting myself into.

It's been a while since I actually decided to meet anyone from here, though.... I feel like the site is in its decline and, while I really enjoy the bloggers on here, the guys who would actually intend to meet me are less than par.

I received a message from a guy who lived an hour and a half away from me, I responded by telling him he lived to far away. That developed into a conversation that led me to believe the guy was actually kind of smart, and genuinely nice.

Then I logged on this evening to find this in my inbox. Um, yah, he had mistaken our conversation for one with someone else.

I don't believe you.
9/6/2020 6:30 pm
Even if that was the case -- that you fell asleep -- you did not contact me this morning or this afternoon to apologize.

Nor have you yet explained yourself ... You certainly did get many texts from me last week and you simply ignored them. ... Don't tell me that you got some but didn't get others. That's another lie.

Same thing here on NoStrings -- I wrote you and wrote you and wrote you ... and you responded only to a few and ignored the vast majority.

You must be honest and trustworthy and reliable and considerate. And so far, you're none of those.
9/6/2020 6:32 pm

Um... Yah. Sorry, wrong Chica. I've never texted you. Honest and trustworthy? You're telling off the wrong person.
9/6/2020 7:47 pm

Yep


In essence, I kind of learned that the guy who is demanding honesty and trustworthy from someone else is actually kind of a scum bag. He's certainly not being honest and trustworthy to her... He was trying like hell to get me to take the next steps and meet up with him.

Would I have been a revenge fuck?

A rebound chick?

A tool to make another woman feel inadequate and jealous....

Doesn't really matter as I had respectfully declined based on distance, but I kind of wonder, had he lived closer, would I have maybe given him a chance? He seemed like a nice, honest, intelligent guy.

Luck was on my side this time...
45 Comments
Shopping, day two.
Posted:Sep 5, 2020 6:06 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2020 3:31 am
5279 Views

Yah, I faced that challenge!!

The Spawn and I, once again, trekked out and attempted the last of her school shopping.

Today? Much better...

Today we headed to TC to see what we could find over there.

It was actually a productive trip, many things found and bought today... Including some of her own age appropriate makeup.

Naturally, when we got home, she immediately wanted to try out her makeup and do a fashion show to try and decide what she wants to wear on her first day of school.

"Do my eye lashes look weird?"

"What are you talking about??"

I was expecting her to emerge with a new outfit on and a face full of her cutesy preteen makeup....

"What did you do to your eyelashes??"

Instead she came out with a bald patch on her right lash line.

"I think I trimmed to much."

"Why are you trimming your eyelashes??"

"They looked uneven."

Now, I've heard a lot of stuff in my life, but never 'my eyelashes look uneven'. So, there she sat, staring at me with the continental divide happening on her right eye.

" my God... I think I can work some magic and do a comb over...."

What mom doesn't live for the day when she can create the look of full lashes after her Spawn has hacked away at them with scissors??

With a little creative mascara action, I was able hide the divide and she was normal looking once again.

Sometimes, I can't help by shake my head and wonder.
20 Comments
The Jean Jacket
Posted:Sep 5, 2020 2:13 am
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2020 5:22 pm
5882 Views

I took the Spawn school shopping yesterday....

Yah, that was a blast.

After 3 hours of milling about in stores with 'nothing good' we ended heading home with one pair of shoes, one pair of jeans, and a jean jacket.

"I can't believe you want a jean jacket.... When did they come back in style?"

"You wouldn't know...."

There is just nothing like being picked apart constantly by your offspring. The judgy little shit...

"I have a jean jacket hanging in my closet right now."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't! I see what you wear, I know what's in your closet."

"You see what I wear work every day, do you think I WANT dress like that? I do it because I have ."

It's funny how sometimes people can only see the one side of you and it blows their mind realize, there are other facets of your being. The Spawn only ever sees the 'Working Mom' side of . She can't fathom the thought that I TOO think about trends and fashion and that I TOO want to look stylish.

I dropped the conversation until I got home and went back to my closet and pulled out not only the jean jacket, but a sage colored jacket very similar to the one she purchased on Friday, and a green hooded jacket very similar to one we looked at but she decided against buying because she didn't like the sleeves.

"I told you I had a jean jacket."

"Where did you get that?!?"

Mind Blown!

"I've had it since the last time jean jackets were popular."

"You've got the green jacket too! When did you become such a fashionista??"

"I've always been one, you just choose not to see it."

I'm looking forward to the day she realizes I'm a human being with feelings too. I know I've got a couple of years to go yet, but, I know it will come.

The difference between sons and daughters? My sons were never mean to me like she is.... They were ok with me just the way I was.
18 Comments
When your work day is like a corn maze....
Posted:Sep 4, 2020 12:51 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2020 6:49 am
6215 Views

Never ending, full of outside irritants, and a stagnant corridor of hell.

Do you know what it's like help the stupidest person on earth do a somewhat challenging computer based learning course that REQUIRES you attention and listen what it's telling you do??

I do.... It's pure misery.

I called both his leader and his leader's leader tell them I was NOT going babysit this moron through his two hour training course.

Guess who ended having babysit...

I lose my patience after a while and I don't hide it. I don't actually really fucking give a care and want for people like that say something , but, they never do.

" the left, click where it says Food Safety Index"

"No, the left."

"Left."

"Opposite side of screen, LEFT."

"Food Safety Index"

"Read the words. Food Safety Index. You aren't even the left hand side of the screen. Does that say Food Safety Index?? It looks like a red X ."

Fucking MORON!

Twenty minutes later he showed back in my office.

"I'm done, but it won't print my certificate."

"Let take a look."

He was NOT done as two modules were left yet be completed.

"You aren't done, there aren't check marks by modules."

"It let print a certificate. See?!"

"You're name isn't this certific so, no, you aren't done. You have do modules before you can take the test. You can't just skip the test."

I wanted fucking kill the guy. He had proceeded argue with that he didn't feel he needed do the training as he was doing was stocking a shelf.

"What are you stocking the shelf with?"

"Food."

"So... You're working in a food department, stocking the shelf WITH food, but you don't see the necessity of doing the Food Safe Training??"

I ended telling the guy that the successful completion of his training was a requirement for his continued employment with our company. If he did not want do required training and he felt the protocols that were in place for our employees were unnecessary, he could work elsewhere. I went tell him that every employee feels this way about something within our job, not necessarily that specific training, but something, and we JUST DO IT because it's part of our job.

Thank God I've taken some vacation time and now have the next five days off....

You might be seeing my crazed photo on the 11 o'clock news, otherwise.

Happy Thursday!
16 Comments
Today's Highlights
Posted:Sep 2, 2020 2:58 pm
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2020 12:55 am
6650 Views

1. Received a text from the Spawn. No.... Hi Mom, how are you, I miss you... After all, it has been six days since I seen her last.

Spawn - How's Tilly?
Me - A spawn of Satan. Pure evil. She needs you.
Spawn - Ha ha ha Glad to hear.

Um, yah. There's a reason I call her the Spawn.

2. I've discovered the benefit of having an ex-husband that is old enough to retire.

Retirement means free time!

Free time to take the to dentist appointments that I'd forgotten about until the day before. Fucking fantastic!! For twenty six years I've been the one who has always had to miss work to do the doctor, dentist, school thing... At long last it is his turn and I couldn't be more excited!

Bonus... He's looking forward to this stuff.

3. Apartment Complex Stud.... Not Gone!! I got up, got ready for work, headed out the door only to find....

Apartment Complex Stud's truck was parked right next to my car.

WTF?!?

I know I saw furniture and boxes out in the hallway. The mattress still had a sheet on it.

When I got home from work there was an enveloped outside his apartment that said "Please sign and return to the office ASAP".

4. People are infinitely more friendly to me when I'm carrying pet items.

Today I had to pick up more food and litter for the little scallion... I headed to the registers and prepared to wait in line when the lady in front of me offered to let me go before her.

Really??

I thanked her and we talked a little about my new kitty.... Then I realized, the same thing happened last week when I bought her litter box and cat food. People just love a pet person.... And, now I'm a pet person.

5. Dark chocolate covered sea salt caramels.... YUMMO!!!
19 Comments

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