Meditation on Passing
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Posted:May 18, 2009 2:02 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2009 1:49 pm
4545 Views
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There it was, my name on a headstone. I stared it down, but the shiny black granite stared right back.
My cousin came close, his lanky frame swaying over me like a young tree and we stood there in silence.
“When are you getting married?” he eventually asked. My reflection on mortality short-lived as I stumbled for an answer.
“Why do you ask?” His question catching me off-guard.
“I’m tied of funerals,” he murmured. “We could really use a wedding.”
It was true, our small family only ever congregated at unfortunate times, temporarily united in mourning before vanishing from each other’s lives, until the next tragedy.
As a family, we were fortunate–the suffering in our lives was inconsequential to other families where death seemed frequent and unexpected.
For our family, death was a game of patiences and inevitability. Whether it was a survival instinct or callous selfishness, we possessed a genetic predisposition to removing the dying from our lives long before they were actually buried.
And here we stood under a pewter sky, the ground still spongy from rain the day before.
My cousin, eyes red from the tears he swallowed waited for an answer. I smiled back. “I don’t recall pressuring you to get married.” I said with a wink.
He smiled back.
At 20, I’d be horrified if he suddenly announced his intentions to wed. Horrified, if not somewhat envious that at 11-years his senior I had languished in my recent romantic pursuits.
I knew he wasn’t asking for a wedding, but he lacked the vocabulary to say he wanted a ritual–in the same way we honour our dead, he was asking us to honour the living.
We assuaged our hearts with empty promises to stay in touch, and commitments to visits we had no intention of honouring.
And then we hugged, warm and fragile, aware that like our predecessors we too shall pass.
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To my Valentine.
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Posted:Feb 14, 2009 11:09 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2009 1:53 pm
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I haven't always had the luxury of having someone to hold, on Valentine's Day. Sure, there's a lot of arguments against a day that celebrates the love between two people--I mean, one could argue that every day should be Valentine's Day. But on this one day, I want you to know what you mean to me.
So I searched the internet for great quotes on love, something that would synthesize, into a soundbite, my feelings for you. Sure, there are a lot of great quotes on the subject:
There's the philosophical:
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. - Carl Jung
The sentimental:
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
The cynical:
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. - Lynda Barry
And the somewhat incomprehensible:
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. - Matt Groening
Suffice to say I couldn't find something that encompassed all my feelings for you.
So I did whatever I do when I'm at a loss for words...I put on some music. And really, is there any musical genre that spoke more profoundly on the subject of love than Motown? I think not.
These Arms of Mine
Otis Redding
These arms of mine
They are lonely, lonely and feeling blue
These arms of mine
They are yearning, yearning from wanting you
And if you would let them hold you
Oh, how grateful I will be
These arms of mine
They are burning, burning from wanting you
These arms of mine
They are wanting, wanting to hold you
And if you would let them hold you
Oh, how grateful I will be
Come on, come on baby
Just be my little woman, just be my lover, oh
I need me somebody, somebody to treat me right, oh
I need your woman's loving arms to hold me tight
And I...I...I need...I need your...I need your tender lips
Let's Stay Together
Al Green
I'm, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is alright with me
'Cause you make me feel, so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you
Me sayin' since, baby, since we've been together
Ooo, loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me, be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue
Ooo baby
Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad
Oooo oooo ooo ooo, yeah
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad
Why somebody, why people break up
Oh, and turn around and make up
I just can't seeeeeeeee
You'd never do that to me
(Would you baby)
'Cause being around you is all I see
It's why I want us to
Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad
Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
And it's then I realized, there's nothing I could possibly say that hasn't been said.
And it's cases like this that my affection for television becomes my point of reference, particularly this scene from, "Be my Valentine, Charlie Brown."
Sally Brown: [reading off a candy heart] "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace."
[editor's note: yes, I know she's quoting Shakespeare, but the Bard never had the good sense to include a precocious beagle in any of his works.]
[Snoopy arrives and begins to mime the poem behind her]
Sally Brown: "I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet needs by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely as men strive for right; I love thee purely as they turn from praise; I love thee passion put to use in my old griefs and my childhood's faith. I love thee with the love I seemed to lose with my lost faith. I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears of all my life! - And, if God choose, I shall love thee better after death."
[Snoopy takes a bow, and kisses her hand]
And before people form a queue to remind me that I haven't said anything original, nothing that hasn't been said, and pitifully relied on the sentiments of greater minds than my own in an attempt to convey my affection for you, it is then that I would pause and carefully point out that ultimately it's my loss of words that are the real measure of how I feel about you and what you mean to me. Emotions so unmeasurable that they can not be distilled into language; emotions that can only be conveyed when I look deeply into your eyes.
Happy Valentine's ma petite lapin aux yeaux gris. You are my world and all that's in it.
*bissou*
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Marketing 201 For the Male NoStrings Member
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Posted:Feb 7, 2009 2:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2012 12:47 pm
4738 Views
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Despite rigorous adherence to the lessons gleaned from Today's Lesson Marketing 101 For the Male AFF Member success has not been yours. At least not yet.
In this session, primarily directed to those in chat, we hope to learn the subtle nuances that will make your infinitely more desirably or at least moderately less reprehensible to those NoStrings members that are the object of your desire.
To briefly recap, “Chat is a wonderful venue to meet people in real time, albeit in on the virtual plane. People seem to forget that chat is really just an extension of meeting and having coffee with someone in real life.” Remember, chat is a place where you are ultimately judged not on whether you’re a Nobel Laureate or won MVP for a T-ball tournament when you were 10; you’re judged on your ability to–of all things–chat!
Of course “chatting” assumes conversation. Conversations are a proverbial “two-way streets.” In fact, conversations that have one person speaking are actually called “monologues,” and unless you’re being inaugurated as the President of the United States, monologues are typically boring. In order to engage in conversations, one must start with an idea or a sentiment that will–ideally–stimulate conversation. There are lots of great conversations starters, like: “How was your day?” “Any plans for the weekend?” Or, “If a train leaves Chicago, going west to Los Angeles at 200km/h, while a train simultaneously leaves Los Angeles headed for Chicago, traveling at 150km/h…” Ok, the last one might bring long-repressed algebraic nightmares to resurface, but hopefully you get the idea.
But there are lots of opening lines that will not elicit responses, save the smarmy comments of the peanut gallery (of which, I’m a card carrying member of).
First lines to ban from your conversation:
“Anyone here from [insert approximate location]?” Anyone that solicits conversation in this manner has obviously not taken the time to read profiles. I can appreciate that as a “standard” member, the viewing of profiles may not be the easiest task in the world, but while you attempt to track someone down that lives within a five-kilometer radius of your domicile, you merely radiate laziness. Besides, “anyone here from Truro?” (as an example) is a question better suited to the Truro Chamber of Commerce, or a census bureau.
“Bored in [insert approximate location].” Nothing yells desperation from the mountaintops like “I’m bored!” Not only does it paint you as an individual that has difficulty occupying the time, but it puts the onus of solving your boredom on someone else’s shoulders–classy. Many people work long days, have personal commitments outside of their workday, so unless you’re paying someone time-and-a-half to provide the entertainment that will assuage your boredom the likelihood of someone taking you up on your challenge is as slim as an anemic Nicole Ritchie.
“Hot [insert body appendage] on cam!” Unless you reside in an equatorial country or have flames licking your skin, referring to yourself as “hot” isn’t merely subjective it’s bloody pretentious. Subjective self-assessments are tough, kind of like trying to check your own asshole. Unless you’re a contortionist all you can really say is, “Well, it looks good from here.” Similar to “Hot appendage on cam,” is any first line that attempts to qualify either in quality or quantity the named appendage. Big, gigantic and colossal are great ways of classifying olives, but are really just relative terms when it comes to body parts. Similarly, “hard” is a better descriptive term as a measure of difficulty; “lubed,” a better description for oil changes; “thick,” a better description for a steak and “long” better suits the drive from Yarmouth to Sydney. Besides, unless you can empirically back-up your claim you’re libel to get sued for false advertising.
Conversations don't need to be difficult, in fact, they’re easy. Just remember a couple simple rules: ask questions, don’t just answer them; take an interest in the other person and find commonalities between the two of you, and for the love of god, be patient! Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your fantasies.
By following these simple rules, you may very well become a swarthy swordsman of NoStrings.
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Sex and the Washing Machine
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Posted:Jan 20, 2009 1:56 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2011 10:37 am
4580 Views
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I moved recently, into a place that I can call home–a small condo which I share with my roommate. I take a lot of pride in being a homeowner, but even that is a learning experience.
It was Sunday evening I got a phone call from the president of the condo corporation.
“We’ve received a couple complaints and I’ve been asked to follow up,” She said.
I was horrified. I know this is not a new (and therefore not sound proof) building–I don’t even need to place a cup to the wall to hear my next-door neighbour’s conversation, but I take pains to walk softly, to not blare my music, and to treat my neighbours with respect.
“Do you have a washing machine in there?”
I was puzzled, “washing machine?” I clarified.
“Yeah, the people complaining claim you have a washing machine and they called me at 12:30 this afternoon, so I assume they heard the washing machine before that.”
I assured the president that having read the condo corp. by-laws, that I had not transgressed a single one. In fact, I even suggested that the individuals who complained come by so I can give them a tour of the residence and upon the discovery of no such washing machine that we’d have tea.
Satisfied with my answer she hung up. But I was left unsettled. What could I have possibly been doing before 12:30 in the afternoon to give someone the impression I had a washing machine? After all, a washing machine has a very distinct, rhythmic sound created by the agitator, which churns, churns, and churns your close clean. What could possibly make a similar steady, rhythmic sound?
Sex.
No–I don’t personally make sounds like a washing machine, but my place has wood floors–a low friction surface that allows things (like beds on top of area rugs) to slide around.
It just so happened that around 11:30, rousing myself from a deep slumber, and realizing a beautiful woman was occupying the space beside me, animal instinct took over.
So here I am, wondering how many times I can run my “washing machine” before all hell breaks loose. I know rubber under-pads exist to inhibit the slipping of area rugs on wood floors and it seems, that the purchase of one of the mats is inevitable. For the time being, I’m just thankful I didn’t have it on “spin cycle.”
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Road Cone
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Posted:Jan 17, 2009 7:00 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2011 10:34 am
4625 Views
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Sure, I was later than most in acquiring my driver's license. But until it became a requirement of my employment, driving and owning a car seemed unnecessary. However, the advent of a vehicle in my life has opened the door to some new possibilities.
"Now I can get a blowjob while I drive!" I said, perhaps a little too eagerly.
"Absolutely," she said with a wink. "Just put it on cruise control and I'll take over."
It was this statement that was the highlight of an otherwise lackluster visit to the car dealership to pick up my new set of wheels.
Somewhere amongst my exorbitant "new driver" insurance rate, fuel prices, and the general sleaziness of the automobile sales industry, I wasn't as enthusiastic about owning my own vehicle as I should have been. So I didn't mind taking some consolation in the sexual possibilities that a car might be able to facilitate.
The importance of mitigating distractions that had been preached to me in my driver's education course seemed to fall by the wayside as I let my mind drift into fantasies of having my cock sucked at 120km an hour.
When we were finally ushered into the car dealer's office to go over the vehicle's owner's manual, my eyes glazed over with the recitation of information that I could likely have interpreted on my own, the owner's manual being chock-a-block with simple pictograms. And then I heard those words: "And this is how your cruise control works." Suddenly, my attention was seized as I memorized the sequence of button pressing to engage a constant rate of speed without the use of the gas peddle. In my periphery I saw the corner of her mouth raise into a smirk. We didn't look directly at each other--doing so would have only resulted in a childish outbreak of uncontrollable giggling. Still, it was clear what was on our minds, all the possibilities that a car holds: country drives, running errands, and of course, road cone.
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Meditation on Toys
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Posted:Jan 6, 2009 4:46 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2011 10:32 am
4813 Views
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I was a little surprised to walk into the middle of a conversation that four of my female coworkers were having, about sex toys. At one point, one of the women challenged the others to surpass, in quantity, the content of her "treasure chest."
It was all I could do to bite my lip and not go into detail about my own "tickle trunk."
But what struck me, strangest of all, was while this group of women were comfortable enough with their "tools of survival," to speak openly about them with one another, while me, the lone male kept his mouth shut and feigned a periodic blush.
I wouldn't go so far as to say there's a double standard when it comes to discussions about sex and sex toys (these are conversations that have really only become increasingly acceptable in the last few years), except to find men who are willing and able to talk openly about toys is challenging, to say the least.
Fundamentally, there is something that offends male sensibilities about the use of a sex toy. Perhaps it's the fear that their penis will someday be (or is currently being) supplanted by a vibrating, oscillating unit that looks alien in comparison to your standard male member; in fuchsia, and made in Japan.
But toys aren't the enemy. In fact, toys can be great friends--both to female folk as well as to men. For men that get beyond their "impenetrable male" complex, a world of pleasure awaits by exploring the prostate. Being in a relatively sexless relationship for six years, I had ample opportunity for self-exploration. I'm not advocating abstinence from sex, but I encourage anyone who has not taken the opportunity to discover how to pleasure themselves to lock themselves in a room for an extended period of time, and go to work--metaphorically speaking--just make sure you bring lube.
Woody Allen once said, "masturbation is sex with someone you love." Assuming this is true, and assuming "you can't love another till you love yourself," wouldn't it logically follow that you can't pleasure someone else, until you learn to pleasure yourself?
As for my toy box? It's chock-a-block. Dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, passive prostate toys, cock rings, lubes, lotions and potions (ok...there aren't actually any potions). And my sex life? It's all the better for it.
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I Love Ewe.
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Posted:Dec 29, 2008 2:02 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2011 10:31 am
4775 Views
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The perfect bachelor party gift! You can't find better or more original than The Goat/Sheep inflatable doll. It has a fully functional hole under the tail and it even bleats when you tickle it!
Reviews for this Product :
Number of Reviews : 1
Average Rating : 10.00
Inflatable Sheep by Daniel Houston
Rating: 10
************* Note by moderator ******************
We usually don't show those, but that one was way too funny to just delete.
**************************************************
Feels so real, and dont have to catch the little prick first.
Pros
no wool in the teeth
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Sex Recession
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Posted:Dec 24, 2008 12:11 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2009 3:51 pm
4791 Views
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“Flaccid,” may be the best description of the economy right now. It’s hard to watch a news report of pick up a newspaper without coverage of economic doom and gloom. As far reaching as the global economic crisis is, sometimes its impact can be felt beyond the boardroom, even within the bedroom.
“Stress, depression and anxiety all wreak havoc on the libido,” writes Dr. Ruth Westheimer, in a November 24th article in Forbes titled, “Sex Recession.” For many people (and men in particular) the pressures that surround being the primary breadwinner in a family during a “limp” economy may manifest limpness elsewhere.
But are we really in a sex recession? As couples begin to tighten their financial belt on luxury expenditures, holidays and dinners out, the trend has not seemed to affect the purchase of personal sex products. "This industry is shielded in a way," says Katy Zvolerin, director of public relations with sex toy maker, Adam & Eve, in a December 19th article, in Forbes. "It does seem people use us even more heavily in bad times."
In fact, not only is the selection of sex products growing at a seemingly exponential rate, but sex products themselves have bucked their former habitat of curtained-off areas in seedy porn shops in favour of the wide aisles of more mainstream retailers like Target, and Wal-Mart.
"We've grown 30% this year alone. We've had to completely automate our factories to meet the tremendous demand. People are deciding to stay at home and engage in inexpensive entertainment,'' says Michael Trygstad, founder of Wet, a lubricant manufacturer in California.
TIME magazine published a recent article titled, “Will the Economy Kill Your Marriage?” In the article, the author attempts to correlate a dive in the economy to rocketing divorce rates. TIME seems to suggest that cheating on one’s spouse is up--and an October 30th New York Times article seems to agree. So how do we reconcile Dr.Ruth’s libidinal depression concerns with the economic boom seen in the sexwares market? As many people are forced to deal the emotional downturns of a struggling economy, they have a tendency to seek solace through escapism and outside of their primary relationship. Trygrstad’s theory may only be partially right: perhaps people do seek inexpensive entertainment when the economy hits the skids. Only they don’t necessarily do so within their own home.
Dr. Ruth, the ever pragmatic sex therapist is quick to send a consoling reminder: “Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together, so couples need to maintain their sex lives,” she advises. “Just because one or both partners don't really feel ‘in the mood’ is no excuse to abandon hope. Persevere.”
So is there a correlation between the credit crunch and libidinal decline? I would say no. Spouses and long term relationships may be suffering the sexual ill effects of the economy, but it doesn’t seem as though our libidos are suffering. If anything, our sexual forays appear to have increased--only with more toys, and with other people. And perhaps there’s some consolation to be taken that as our investments dwindle and shrivel, not every part of our lives (or bodies) will suffer the same fate.
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Missing you...
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Posted:Dec 22, 2008 4:59 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2009 12:22 pm
4579 Views
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Have you ever been fortunate enough to miss someone so much it hurts?
I've always looked on with envy as couples reunite in the arrivals lounge at the airport after having been apart. It's a beautiful scene to witness. But man, does the separation suck in the meantime.
And not that I'd wish the day(s) away, but I can't wait to get back to Halifax. To be that couple that some casual observer sees in the airport arrivals lounge, and looking on, says to themselves, "I wish that were me."
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You want to bleach what?
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Posted:Dec 6, 2008 2:07 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2011 10:26 am
5080 Views
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Honestly, I don't know when or where I heard it, but recently someone I know referenced anal bleaching.
I couldn't resist doing a little research on the subject because frankly, the idea of applying Javex to one's pucker seems a little...I don't know...extreme?
I mean what would inspire someone to bleach their poop hole, and to what end (no pun intended)?
I wondered to myself, is there pleasure to be had in this process? For the life of me the only people I could fathom that would enjoy participating in something like cornhole whitening are those that might use Easy Off on their testicles for sexual gratification. But a little internet research answered my question as to what motivates someone to apply something found under the bathroom sink to their anus: body image.
"Is there any way of making my anus more pink or lighter in color? Mine is dark and I hate it. Any suggestions?" Asked a reader, in a letter to Village Voice columnist, Tristan Taormino.
Now, I can appreciate that in a world that puts too much emphasis on a physical ideal people will inevitably want to change their bodies through work out regimens, diets, hair colour, and potentially cosmetic surgery. All of these changes, however, are changes that are visible to the general public. But anal bleaching? How many assholes does one need to familiarize themselves with to suddenly develop an inferiority complex about the colour of their "balloon knot?"
I mean, I know that some women feel the need to have their labia altered, and there are many men who get penis enlargements, but given the primary use of one's sphincter lightening the skin's pigment in that area is akin to putting lipstick on a pig.
Now, I'm not anti-anus. I enjoy anal sex, rimming, and tossing the proverbial salad, but let's be clear, other than a bikini wax there isn't a lot one can do to improve the aesthetic of that region of the human anatomy. The anus is what it is, and I fail to see how a monochromatic shift is going to improve things for anyone who's nosing around, down there. Besides, unless you're a contortionist, I'm guessing you're not spending a whole lot of time nosing around there yourself.
For the record, I was relieved to find out that anal bleaching does not actually use bleach to lighten skin colour (so for those of you who are actually interested in trying the process at home, take the extra bottle of Old Dutch off your shopping list). Rather, a cream using hydroquinone as the active ingredient is used for the lightening procedure. Given that hydroquinone is a known carcinogen banned in several countries I can't help but wonder if bleach wouldn't be preferable.
And to the reader who wrote asking what to do about her dark bunghole? Here's a tip: when you spread your butt cheeks, try not to look back at yourself in the mirror.
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A Contest For The Ladies: NoStrings's Biggest Sore Loser
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Posted:Nov 20, 2008 7:19 pm
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2008 9:31 am
5187 Views
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I was chatting with a friend today and she forwarded me a rather coarse e-mail she'd received from a male NoStrings member she'd rebuked.
"you need to grow up, people on this site are here for one reason, you aren't mature enough to understand that , i suggest you look elsewhere, i'll put it in my blog with your name so you don't waste anyne else'e time , try immature finder you stupid bitch ill b looking for you"
And sure, rejection is a bitch. But honestly, who responds like this? (For the record, I actually know the chat nickname of the person who responded like this).
So I thought I'd hold a contest, open to all the ladies of NoStrings: what's the single worst e-mail you've received from someone you've rejected? I am asking for the written words (or paraphrase) of NoStrings's Biggest Sore Loser.
If you have the e-mail saved, cut and paste it into the comments. If you don't have a saved e-mail then just relate your story and paraphrase. If you're not able or not comfortable entering, then feel free to comment on any of the posted e-mails. If you like playing armchair psychologist, then throw your two cents into the mix as to why people behave this way.
NOTE: CUT AND PASTE THE E-MAILS, BUT DO NOT INCLUDE THE REJECTED USER'S NAME OR HANDLE. THIS IS NOT A CONTEST TO OUT PEOPLE (as tempting as that would be), IT'S A CONTEST TO FIND THE BEST EXAMPLE OF A BAD REACTION TO REJECTION. I ONLY WANT THE WORDS OF THE BIGGEST SORE LOSER.
The winning e-mails will be incorporated in the upcoming blog, "Marketing 201 to the NoStrings Male Member," coming soon!
Best wishes!
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Today's Lesson: Marketing 101 For the Male NoStrings Member
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Posted:Nov 10, 2008 10:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2012 12:39 pm
5581 Views
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So you've paid your membership and in moments you're going to have women knocking down your door, phoning you at all hours begging you for a ride on the "baloney pony."
But in the first hour it becomes clear that your doorbell hasn't rung and your phone is still sitting snuggly in its base station. What gives?
Remember gentleman, there's about a 20 to 1, male to female ratio here on NoStrings, so it's important to distinguish yourself from the competition. As unique and special as your Mom has told you you are since the age of 4, it's important to remember when pursuing your desires you should ask yourself one simple question: "What do I bring to the table." Answering this is the first step towards sexy time.
Other considerations are as follows...
Profles:
A profile should be a concise description of who you are, your desires and what you're looking for. It is a "snapshot" of what people will expect when they come to meet you. Assuming you actually want to meet people in real life rather than spend your time exclusively online, telling the truth is also recommended. Therefore: If you're 5'4", you probably shouldn't describe yourself as "tall." If you're 600lbs, there are better descriptions than "slim," "athletic," or "average," unless of course you're comparing yourself to a baby hippopotamus. Likewise, if you're "married," you are by default "not single." These are small and subtle details I realize, but addressing these issues successfully will put you one step ahead of the competition.
Also remember that bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Few of us are Adonises, and those that are typically live in Sweden and are underwear models. One should be proud of who they are and take consolation in the fact that many people find body type irrelevant, or at least mitigated by other factors when it comes to what is considered attractive. "Truth in advertising," as it happens, is always considered attractive. In fact, it's downright sexy.
Pictures:
Should you want to meet someone in the corporeal world a recent photo of yourself would be helpful, if only to identify the person sitting alone at the table in the corner. Photos don't lie; however, if you're using a picture from your high school graduation (and you're recently retired) then you're not really giving people the whole truth. In the absence of a time machine, it really doesn't matter what kind of body you had in 1984.
Men have a tendency to take photos of their genitalia, and then they have a tendency to post these photos photos in their profile. Men think penises are great--at least our own is, and for better or worse we assume that women will have the same positive reaction to our erection that we do. Unfortunately, as impressed with our selves as we are, those we try to attract are not. Apparently, most women have at least some familiarity with the male anatomy and unless your penis is a bright shade of blue, looks like it was transplanted onto your from an elephant, or can stand at attention and sing the national anthem there's a 98% chance that women (I'm unsure of other men) don't really want to see it. Of that remaining 2% that may be interested in seeing your penis, assuredly 95% of that group are actually men with women's profiles. The other challenges with penis pics is that very few men walk around without pants on. The dangling nature of the penis makes nudity for prolonged period or time, in public, hazardous to say the least. More importantly, when it does come time to meet someone, removing your pants for positive identification can be a little embarrassing, particularly at meet & greets hosted at the local Tim Horton's.
Chat:
Chat is a wonderful venue to meet people in real time, albeit in on the virtual plane. People seem to forget that chat is really just an extension of meeting and having coffee with someone in real life. In that respect, many of the same basic rules will follow:
First lines should probably not included phrases like, "Hey baby, do you want to see my penis?" As mentioned in the previous paragraph, women don't generally want to see your penis--or at least not initially. Suffice to say the majority of respondents to this question do so in the negative. In fact, the question, "do you want to see my penis?" (or any variation thereof) should probably be left at least till after you've asked someone how their doing, if at all.
Examples are as follows:
BAD
BigCOK4u2suk: "Hey baby, do you want to see my wang?"
Happygoluckygrrrl: "I'd rather stick a pen in my eye and bleed out."
GOOD
BigCok4u2suk: "Did you see the Nikke index plummet today under the threat of a global economic crisis?"
Happygoluckygrrrl: "As a matter of fact I did, and though I'm fond of low interest rates, I'm scared about the possibility of rampant inflation."
BigCok4u2suk: "Me too. Want to see my wang?"
By following these basic and simple guidelines, you can become a swarthy swordsman on NoStrings.
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To link to this blog (milderweather) use [blog milderweather] in your messages.
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1
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181
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