The Math Post
|
Posted:Oct 7, 2005 1:53 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
16840 Views
|
The Venting Blog has reached its 99th post. Plodding along at the blogbreaking speed of .497 posts per day. (199 days, March 23 - October 7)
Average number of comments per post = 21.96
The most commented post was Beauty Knows No Pain which recieved 86 comments.
286 total comments by the author = 13%
Number of weather posts = 0
Number of posts in the Grandma Manuscripts series = 5 See keithcancook39s grandmother for the first one.
Number of true adventure stories = 3 keithcancook Nearly Meets His Maker reprise, A Vacation Comedy, Stupid College Pranks
Most number of posts to to complete a true adventure story = 6
Number of posts with a math theme = 1
Number of posts with an original poem = 2
Number of flower posts = 3
Number of posts about blogging = 4
Number of times The Venting Blog was closed down by the author = 1
Number of wisecracks left as comments in the blogs of others = countless
Number of wisecracks left as comments in The Venting Blog = bunches
Number of character roles created by the author for himself = 6 (The PUBLISHER , THE LURKER, pigcancook, Kasey Sea, kcc - the lonely blogger unlucky at love, and Fluke Blogwriter.)
Number of friends made through blogging = dozens
Projected number of future math posts = 0
Number of morality plays = 2
The 1000th commenter in The Venting Blog was [blog candy69sosweet]
The 2000th commenter in The Venting Blog was greeneyesatl05
Number of sex themed posts = 7
Number of fictional stories = 0
Number of days before the 100th post appears = 2+ days according to my blogbreaking rate of posting.
Number of posts written by an insane person = 99
Number of hours invested in blogging = unkown (It's better that way)
|
|
|
19
Comments
|
|
Memories of Eagle Rock
|
Posted:Oct 3, 2005 5:09 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2010 8:49 am
17784 Views
|
When summers' green begins to fade,
and evenings' air to cool.
I take my friend to a mountain glade
o'er looking a long deep pool.
And Autumns magic draws us in,
seen dancing on the wave.
Reflecting eagles' skyward spin;
times movement now delayed.
For friends are timeless memories
whose seasons never alter.
Echoing hearts' serenity
where passion does not falter.
Immortal now this Autumn day, locked tightly in my breast.
Forever calling, never lost; my heart now put to rest.
|
|
|
19
Comments
|
|
BLOG WARS!
|
Posted:Sep 29, 2005 6:56 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2023 10:45 am
31114 Views
|
Author's Note:
This morality play was inspired by events taking place in BlogLand that shook the place pretty hard. The "popular list" bloggers of the time were turned out of their lofty places at the top of the list by newer bloggers who used the devices at their disposal to manipulate their climb to the top.
Foremost among these devices was filling their posts with comments. Comments that were only meant to increase the overall total number of comments (which was the way the popular list was determined), and had nothing to do with the original post .
For example, a blogger could become the "top" blogger by simply writing a one word comment over and over and over again in their post ad nausea. Friends would come in to help and before long the post would have 200 or more comments in it.
Eventually, the site instituted the "unique comment" as the way to determine "Number One" and "blog padding" went by the wayside.
Anyway, there were many bruised egos as a result, and of course I found the whole thing to be quite amusing (as well as an interesting example of pride and other assorted human behaviors), and used the entire controversy as fodder for the following piece of satire.
*It is unfortunate that some of the original cast members have seen fit to remove their profiles, and thus their pics have gone by the wayside. However, these actors are some of the greatest to appear on BlogLand's stage. They are well missed by this playwright, that is for sure...
edited by keithcancook, March 2008.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BLOGLAND PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS: BLOG WARS!
A BLOGWAY MORALITY PLAY STARRING:
AS FLUKE BLOGWRITER
BLONDENEEDSSEX AS PRINCIPAL LAY
expatbrit49 AS HUNG SO-LOW
purejoy4fem AS CUTE BACK-UP
travelingintexas AS HEART JADER
SensuallyKatey AS RU-FREE2SCREW?
dz2502 AS C-MY PPGROW
HardlyYours4Now AS AN IMPERIAL BLOGTROOPER
AND INTRODUCING Tala4u2 AS YA-OWE-ME-ONE CUM-BLOW-ME
PLAY FOUND INSIDE POST
ENTER & ENJOY
BlogLand Productions' roster of BALONEY AWARD winning morality plays is the finest in the theatre-blog industry. They include:
Conversations From BlogLand High
The Wizard of Blogz
BLOG WARS
It's a Wonderful Blog
A BlogLand Christmas Carol and
bIG
|
|
|
26
Comments
(Page:)
|
|
|
|
The Venting Blog Talent Search
|
Posted:Sep 28, 2005 3:17 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2007 8:23 pm
15047 Views
|
The Venting Blog is pleased to announce that a new play is being produced that will soon be the the hottest ticket on BlogWay. Brought to you by BlogLand Productions the same folks who produced the smash television hit HOLLYBLOG SQUARES and the BlogWay morality play Conversations From BlogLand High, this next production is an epic blogbuster and sure to make you famous if you can secure get a part.
Auditions are open and have begun. All interested actors please apply inside.
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
The Evolution of BlogLand
|
Posted:Sep 26, 2005 8:32 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2015 2:07 pm
14689 Views
|
The evolution of BlogLand is sorta like the movies.
In the early days it resembled the opening scene in 2001 A Space Odysey. You know, the cube and the apes? The apes are the infant bloggers and the cube represents the mysteries and possibilities of BLOG
In its Middle Period it recalls Pleasantville. Many bloggers seemed to "find themselves" and color entered BlogLand as our creativity swelled.
BlogLands present condition is reflected in The Life of Brian. Pick any scene at all and there will be some relevence.
Of course there are many movie scenes that could be used. Any other suggestions?
BLOG ON!
|
|
|
9
Comments
|
|
SUPERMODEL PROVES THEY'RE REAL ON STAGE
|
Posted:Sep 22, 2005 6:23 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
15667 Views
|
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AFriendFinder TATTLER
SUPERMODEL PROVES HER BREASTS ARE ALL NATURAL BEFORE STUDIO AUDIENCE
TATTLER EDITOR-IN-CHIEF BLONDENEEDSSEX RELEASED FROM CONFINEMENT
Hollyblog, Western District. In an uncensored broadcast, Victoria's Secret supermodel Tyra Banks bared her breasts and had a sonogram performed on stage to prove that she has not used falsies or implants to augment her cleavage. Using her talk show as a platform Ms. Banks slipped into a bathrobe and the sonogram was performed by a genuine plastic surgeon who proclaimed that Tyra's tits were titanic and all natural.
To their dismay, all male members of the audience were escorted from the studio and denied a chance to ogle those puppies for themselves. A fracas erupted when one of the irate males refused to leave claiming he "didn't need no stinking sonograms" and attempted to approach Tyra's tits and give em a little squeeze.
The man, identified as pigcancook, a blogger from the Southern District, was escorted from the building by local law enforcement and booked on charges of creating a public disturbance, assault on a female officer, distribution of beer without a license, and tit mongering. He was later released on his own recognicance.
In an unrelated story CHIEF BLONDE (and her golden nuggets) were finally set free after spending over a month in jail for refusing to reveal her source in the Revolution Scandal.
|
|
|
17
Comments
|
|
I Defeated The New England Patriots
|
Posted:Sep 18, 2005 8:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
14621 Views
|
Yes, that's right it was me. When the Patriots came to Charlotte today to play the Panthers they ran right into my big mouth. No doubt about it, it was my screaming that disrupted their offense and caused all those procedure penalties in each of their (so called) drives.
So tonight, while a little bit sunburned and a whole lot hoarse, I relish in my victory over the cursed Pats, and raise my glass in a toast to myself. I also rather like the new moniker I was given today... keithcancook, bane of Patriots
and ex-wives!
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
BARBIEBUNNY69 BANISHED FROM BLOGLAND!
|
Posted:Sep 16, 2005 5:29 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2006 7:46 am
16057 Views
|
. . . . . . . . . . AFriendFinder TATTLER
BARBIEBUNNY69 BANISHED FROM BLOGLAND!
POPULAR BLOGGER FINDS HER BLOG DECONSTRUCTED AND HER PROFILE BANNED!
MORALITY POLICE MOUNT SUDDEN ATTACK!
Western District, BlogLand. Late last Tuesday the Anti-Blog of the Blonde Crusader, authored by Barbiebunny69 was removed from the hallowed halls of BlogLand by The Authorities. This action came without warning catching the author by surprise. Early reports indicate that the blog was removed for tackling the controversial subject of bestiality and even though the post was written in a tongue-in-cheek style the subject matter proved to be too much for The Authorities to allow.
Barbiebunny69 did not wait long to strike back, and the Blonde Crusader has reemerged under her new alias as Barbiebunny. Due to the erratic nature of the service provided by The Authorities the TATTLER has been unable to provide a direct link to the Anti-Blog of the Blonde Crusader which can be located from the link in her new profile.
Barbiebunny has been a boon to BlogLand since its conception late last winter providing all manner of services to her readers. She is the founder and HEADMISTRESS of the DominantsRUs School of Pleasure and Pain, where students can experience the humbling feeling of being squashed like a bug by 9" heels. (Enrollments are still available).
She has authored many erotic stories as well as providing sound advice on various sexual techniques and practices. She has provided valuable information for The Venting Blog, among others, and has done historical research on the Valley Girl phenomenon from the 1980's which was used in the allegorical morality play Conversations From BlogLand High. She has smitten the hearts of many, and is reported to be close to TATTLER head The PUBLISHER, who remains looking out his window waiting for her car to pull up in his driveway. She also is the favorite food of potted palms found in hotel lobbies which is no surprise considering the tasty nature of her very own BARBIE BUNZ.
While the reasons for her temporary banishment remain sketchy, the TATTLER finds it a bit unsettling that Morality Police have been unleashed on an internet sex site. While The Authorities have the right to censor blog postings on their own site, the TATTLER believes that a warning should have been issued before banishment was implemented.
Barbiebunny has proven over time that she is a resilient blogger and has a history of overcomming adversity. The staff at the TATTLER extends to her our fullest support.
The PUBLISHER
|
|
|
6
Comments
|
|
BLOGGER FIDDLES WHILE SOUTHERN BLOGLAND BURNS! A TATTLER EXCLUSIVE!
|
Posted:Sep 13, 2005 8:16 pm
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2007 1:26 pm
15028 Views
|
. . . . . . . . . . AFriendFinder TATTLER
BLOGGER FIDDLES WHILE SOUTHERN BLOGLAND BURNS!
THE ODD ADVENTURES OF KASEY SEA - A TATTLER EXCLUSIVE
I Survived a Monster Storm and I Didn't Even Get a Crummy T-Shirt
by Kasey Sea
While the Monster Storm came unlooked for to most, I had been getting a funny feeling that something was coming for quite some time. It was the lack of weather posts in BlogLand that caused my uneasiness. There have been few published all summer long. I have an ol pal that is quite good at them, but he has been silent on the weather for months. With all the ancient levees around this district a Monster Storm has always been of concern.
When I felt the air pressure plummet around me I diddybopped down into a blog basement to ride out the storm. I knew right where to go. expatbrit49 's March 24th post [post 7527]. It is a classic, a model for many of the later weather posts that followed in blogs throughout BlogLand. We split time with the April 7th weather post, [post 11887] , which is an excellent place for a layover.
Knowing that my ol pal expat does not normally keep refreshments down there, I remembered to bring my own supplies with me. So I grabbed 5 of my friends, a case of tequila, a pot of Jumbalaya, and headed down to expats basement resort. We had a great time down there and partied in the tradition of Southern BlogLanders, which is HARD. We kept the place clean and refrained from writing on the walls. We did see evidence that the LURKER had been there some time before.
At one point I decided to go upstairs and take a peek outside. It was dangerous, but I have always been a curious sort so I went anyway. There a wonderous scene was presented to my eyes. It was like a flashback from an old acid trip. Or maybe like an old movie. Yeah, that's it! It was just like a movie right outta HollyBlog California. Tornados ran in front of the storm lifting everything in its path up into the air. I saw a cow whirling around. He even mooed at me. There was this old grandma in a rocking chair, just flying through the air. She was sitting there and knitting! Knitting? In this storm? It was no problem for her, she just waved at me and a gust took her away. I saw two men in a rowboat. But they weren't rowing in water. They were rowing air! They waved and then rowed away.
It was then that things turned dark and it seemed some kind of scary music was borne upon the wind. A woman appeared. She was riding a bike and she looked to be the meanest woman on earth. Even pigcancook would have turned away from this creature. Suddenly she seemed to turn into a witch and her bike became a broom. She gave a wicked laugh and I didn't stick around to see any more.
The next day we all went outside. Southern BlogLand was devastated as far as the eye could see. Everything imaginable was floating in the streets. I saw a RONCO sexyfitwoman rack bobbing in the dirty water. Next to it was a case of LIMEY PIES and a soggy box of condoms. It was then that I discovered the prize. Among the flotsam and jetsam was a copy of the BlogLand Cookbook in good condition.
We spent the next few days unloading all the perishibles from the icebox and feasting on some fine BlogLand favorites. There was Roast Phoenix ala Katey, (the phoenix was starting to turn so we ate it first), some excellent Squaw Bread, and some pretty good Professors Potash as well. Everyone wanted to try the Flying Penguin but no one would make it so once again I went without. We also wanted to try some of pappy's SCRAMBLED EGGS, but nobody could make sense of the recipie.
I heard that many bloggers had found refuge at pigcancook Arena on the campus of BlogLand University so I went to check it out. The radio had reported terrible conditions but that is not what I found when I arrived. All was orderly and the refugee bloggers seemed to be well treated and enjoying themselves. The only ruckus I observed was the burning in effagy of what appeared to be a likeness of expatbrit49. I couldn't be sure as the dummy was fully clothed so i figured it must be someone else. After that everybody sat around in a circle and sang KUMBAYA and other peaceful songs. I saw BLONDENEEDSSEX 's favorite cop there helping the dislocated bloggers and singing along with everyone.
There were plenty of things to eat. Much of it were leftover spoils from the war between the PECCARY'S and purejoy4fem's SISTERHOOD. Everyone had their fill of bon bons and some even watched old tapes of Oprah. I left when the Oprah tapes began.
I have heard the rumor that I was fiddling while Southern BlogLand burned, but I would like to say that it is categorically false. Unless you count the time late that first night when all the females had nodded off and not wanting to disturb anyone I went into the bathroom and jerked off. I do remember thinking that I should have been more like pigcancook, and simply jumped their bones. I still have much to learn from him it seems.
Signed,
Kasey Sea
FIND MUCH MUCH MORE STORM NEWS OVER AT Ruminations, by rockwriter58. THE TATTLER IS YOUR SOURCE FOR BLOGLAND'S MOST OUTRAGEOUS AND SENSATIONALIST REPORTING!
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
Monster Storm Strikes Southern BlogLand!
|
Posted:Sep 6, 2005 8:19 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 5:06 pm
16303 Views
|
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AFriendFinder TATTLER
MONSTER STORM STRIKES SOUTHERN BLOGLAND!
FLOOD, FIRE, FECES AND FEAR!
MANY BLOGS SWEPT AWAY IN THE DELUGE!
OFFERS OF AID RECIEVED FROM ALL QUARTERS OF BLOGLAND!
Unlooked for and without warning a massive storm swept in and devastated Southern BlogLand. Much of the Southern District is under water, with the coastal areas recieving the brunt of the damage. Ancient blogs, still standing even though their authors had long abandoned them were swept away in rising floodwaters. Untold numbers of refugees are crawling out their shelters and stumbling out of the area by any means that can be found.
Temporary emergency shelter is being offered to the blogless, and various other refugees of the storm at Pigcancook Arena on the campus of BlogLand University, home of the MIGHTY PECCARYS. (They growl for growlers).
Official emergency services have been slow to act. Early reports indicate that Town Planner expatbrit49 has begun coordinating relief efforts from his base camp set up at The G Spot , where most council members and other government officials can be found day or night, (emergency or not).
When asked how such a thing could occur without any prior indication or warning, expat noted the lack of weather reporting that has left BlogLand in the dark about the weather over the past summer. "There just aren't any weather blogs being written any more these days," expat was quoted as saying. He stressed that the current disaster should help to change that recent trend, and that weather blogs will be encouraged in the future even if the government has to subsidize them. "It is too soon to place blame for this mess. Now is the time for us to mobilize in order to help the survivors and rescue the helpless," he said.
Nonetheless blame is being assigned. Wildly, and from all quarters. Many refugees blamed the government for not protecting them. Few would accept responsibility for their own choices in blogging from a flood plain. Reports from the effected zones are scattered and cannot be substantiated in most cases. After all, some things just take time. No matter how much we clamour for instant gratification these days.
Blogville's leader, Madame Mayor sexyfitwoman has been caught far from the disaster and is unlikely to return to Blogville for many months. In her absence control of the Council should fall on the competent shoulders of Deputy Mayor BLONDENEEDSSEX , but she is still incarcerated in the BlogLand Jail for witholding her source in the recent REVOLUTION RUMOR CONTROVERSY, and has not yet been released.
Quicker than you can play Hide The Constitution, Town Planner expatbrit49 has taken the reins of government in his hands and giddyupped into power. He will be sorely taxed with the task at hand.
Reports of looting and anarchy are trickling in from the affected areas. In an amazing display of her influence, editor-in-CHIEF BLONDENEEDSSEX has somehow managed to submit a story from the confines of her jail cell. Utilizing her many resources in the Southern District she has been in contact with some of the bloggers on the scene. In particular, she has recieved direct reports from a refugee calling himself Kasey Sea.
According to CHIEF BLONDE's report, Kasey Sea has traveled throughout the affected areas and has been relaying eyewitness accounts of rampant blog looting where in some cases blogs have been literally for their ideas. Their conceptual continuity has been comprimised and the original ideas have been carried off under the arms of the looters. Copyright records have been mostly destroyed and they were never effective in protecting original material on the internet anyway.
Kasey Sea was reportedly distraught and nearly overcome with distress as he witnessed the rampant thievery firsthand. "I saw original ideas literally removed from their platforms word for word only to be reposted by the thief and passed off as his own material. These miscreants are not just taking general ideas for survival purposes. That I can understand. We are on a survival footing in this district. But no. They are taking entire articles for which they have not given proper credit and are not directly necessary to blog survival. They just don't need them given the situation here."
CHIEF BLONDE has indicated that Mr. Sea has been very forthcoming in his eyewitness accounts from the disaster area and she promises that more information will be released in the near future.
Stay with the TATTLER for the most precise reporting on this compelling story to be found in all of BlogLand.
Marketing Director, and rising star at the TATTLER rockwriter58 is coordinating the disaster reports, working behind the scenes with CHIEF BLONDE as well as attempting to locate some AWOL reporters who haven't shown up for work lately. (Where are you dz2502 ?
Meanwhile, ensconced in his tower overlooking Fornication Avenue The PUBLISHER has not been heard from. Many are wondering if he will take advantage of the situation and make his bid to ursurp Supreme Power in The Land of Blog. It is the way of meglomaniacs to act in such a fashion, and he is truly mad, maD, MAD! Can anybody stop him?
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
In The Wake Of Katrina
|
Posted:Aug 31, 2005 10:58 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
15344 Views
|
While driving home earlier this evening I passed four gas stations along a four mile stretch. Every one of them was jam-packed with cars. The lines spilled out of each lot and down the street. I needed gas, but decided to drive back at 1 am in the morning and avoid the lines.
So I did. The station had no lines. The pump would not accept my credit card though, so I went inside to pay prior to pumping. While standing in a short line in there, people started coming in from their cars. All the pumps had stopped. The station had run completely out of gas! Dang, I hate it when that happens. Does anybody recall the situation in the early seventies? Is rationing coming again?
Jeeze, what a mess. Da heck with this. It's time to utilize public transportation. Hmm, I suppose I can always fall back on bipedal transportation. 
|
|
|
14
Comments
|
|
mAHHsAHHge
|
Posted:Aug 19, 2005 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
16137 Views
|
Ahh, life is good. I just had a therapeutic masage and I am feeling "loosey goosey" and all relaxed. This sort of thing could become habit forming...
Apparently, I am in good shape, well-balanced and loose. Now that is an encouraging diagnosis!
|
|
|
16
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (keithcancook) use [blog keithcancook] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
41
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
