Coming into the light
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Posted:Apr 24, 2016 12:40 pm
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2016 9:21 pm
3328 Views
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I used to have a thing for back alley sex
What a random partner thought of me
Was of no concern
His thoughts were meaningless
One doesn’t command respect in an alley
When sex is dirty, cheap, and tawdry
Who cares what he really thinks
His opinion of me couldn’t be any less
Than my opinion of myself
But I don’t want random sex anymore
I deserve better than to be kept hidden in the dark
I deserve to see the light of day
to walk along on the arm of a nice guy
Only now I worry too much about what he thinks
A loser’s opinion is meaningless
A gentleman’s opinion could mean the world.
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My Eating Disorder Wins Again
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Posted:Apr 24, 2016 11:11 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2016 12:37 pm
3765 Views
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So, this will be the first time I speak of this here, but depending on how it goes, it won't be the last. I have an eating disorder. I've had it since I was six. I've alternately binged and starved myself for 30 plus years. I started binge eating every day when I was six years old. I went from being this tiny little who couldn't finish a meal to someone who who would steal food just to satisfy an urge. This went on for a long time until my doctor put me on a starvation diet. And that became the pattern. I have binged and gaining weight at an almost fantastic speed, and then I have alternated this behavior by dieting, restricting, and starving myself until I became a stick figure (with breasts and calf muscles). A few years ago, I thought I had it conquered. In reality, I was just starving myself once again. And I went toe-to-toe with my eating disorder by all but moving into the gym. I would workout two, three, four hours a day, even sometimes. And I did this at least six days a week. Hence the name Gymrat. But then something went awry. I wasn't losing weight anymore. I couldn't get the number to budge. And the eating disorder came back with a vengeance. And then I hurt myself in the gym, so I couldn't even workout like I wanted to anymore. And that went on for about two years. I sought treatment. They gave me antidepressants. I sought counseling; it didn't help. I started working on not dieting anymore, but it didn't really work. It's hard to change the way you do things. Finally, finally a few months ago, everything clicked. I'm no longer binge eating and I'm not dieting. For the first time in my life, there is no restriction. No weighing. No measuring. No counting; No recriminations; no self torture. And it's been working. I've lost weight. I eat what I want when I'm hungry, and I stop when I'm not hungry instead of eating until my sides are all but tearing at the seams. I found an eating disorder specialist who works with me and treats me. And I've been in a really good place. Only, today, things kind of went awry. I was supposed to go and meet someone, and it didn't happen. Why? Because he asked me to wear something for him. And it didn't fit. And instead of telling him I was worth the time regardless of what I was wearing, I didn't say anything but that I was sorry. So, for as well as I'm doing, I have a long way to go. I know that no matter how I look or feel, eat or don't eat, etc. I will never fit into the box that so many others can fit in. Am I giving up? No. Am I disappointed today? Hell yes.
In retrospect, he said I put way more thought into it than I should have, and that I basically talked myself out of trying. But it didn't seem like he put any effort into talking me into it, either. And encouragement is always nice, right? Nevertheless, maybe I did talk myself out of it. But how am I supposed to know where normal concerns end and eating disorder thoughts take over? I have no basis for comparison. I don't remember my thoughts before the eating disorder days.
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9
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When Predator Becomes Prey
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Posted:Apr 23, 2016 7:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2016 9:33 am
3378 Views
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I should never have seduced you
Or let you seduce me
Or whatever it was that we did to one another
Two predatory creatures alone together
For hours on end, each one believing he's in charge
Only this time, I didn’t want you to be my prey
Nor did I want to be yours
I wasn’t looking for the kill,
I finally realized I enjoyed the sound and the comfort
of the beating heart beside me
But someone had to give in I guess.
You can’t have more than one survivor
in this animal kingdom we live in
in my desire for you, I forgot that
I even believed that you wanted the same thing I did
that you would keep me alive and well, having grown weary of the conquest
I thought you too wanted to have more
I even forgot that some creatures really do not mate for life
So you set your sights and entranced me with those eyes
And the tantalizing call of your predatory song
I came running to where you are
Believing I was bringing my best to the table
But you weren’t looking for anything more
And you couldn’t let me walk away once you had me in your lair
So predator becomes prey
you took what you needed, leaving me defenseless and weak
while the tiger may come at night
Some animals prefer the middle of the day
And stupid me, I didn’t even allow you the thrill and the memory of the chase
As I came directly to your side
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2
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Hunting and Gathering
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Posted:Apr 22, 2016 12:39 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2016 4:51 am
3474 Views
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I realize something more and more all the time. At my age, I should truly be interested in finding someone to settle down with, and I would love that. But I thoroughly enjoy the hunting and gathering. I keep talking about hunting and gathering; it comes up so much with me these days from the joy of doing research for a new article to looking for someone to date. I love the thrill of flirtation. I love the thrill of meeting new people and seeing where it might lead. I love the teasing and the taunting and the tantalizing. And while I would also love to find someone, one steady someone that I could flirt with and tease and taunt, I kind of enjoy being on the hunt and the prowl. It's exciting and it keeps my hunting and gathering skills sharp. And it goes a long way in making me feel young and vibrant and alive. I've dealt with some things in my life that seemed to have sucked the life right out of me. Feeling even the internal feelings of winking and flashing a smile go a long way in bringing me back to life.
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5
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Half-Assed Fantasy
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Posted:Apr 21, 2016 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2016 5:13 pm
4246 Views
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My mind is consumed
With thoughts of my bare flesh
Exposed to you for your perusal and your delight
You lord yourself over me
My master and my love
I wait for you to make the next move
Anxiously and unknowingly
As I cannot see you
I can only sense your presence
By the heat my body feels
Under the weight of your stare
The paddle in your hand claps across my bottom
One time, two, three
Then nothing but the agony of waiting for your next move
I'm at your mercy, both captive and captivated by you…
My life hangs in the balance …
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3
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Mannish
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Posted:Apr 21, 2016 7:25 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 7:56 am
3717 Views
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I act like such a fucking dude sometimes
I took him to my hideaway
Stuck my tits in his face
And let him play
Then rode him like the bitch that he is
Harder and faster I went
Getting myself off on his slippery dick
When I took all that I needed
I gave him the chance to come for me
Feeling rather generous I must say
A few kisses here and there
Just to show that I care
And then I rolled away
Hoping he'd take the hint
Hoping he'd go home
Like a good little boy should
I left the light on for him
And figured he would find the door
I told him I'd call him tomorrow
But it will probably be a while
like maybe the next time I need someone to help me get off
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2
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Where Do You Go?
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Posted:Apr 20, 2016 12:38 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2016 1:27 pm
3416 Views
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Where do you go when you're not here
To whom
Do you belong
Who gets to look into your eyes
And call you by name
Who gets to hold you
Kiss you
Taste you
Where are you
When I can't seem to find you
You must go somewhere
Someone must me trying in vain to fill my shoes
Someone must be failing at loving you like I do
There must be some cheap imitation
Some bit of trash offering quick and easy, meaningless and mindless
But lousy sex
You can say you're all alone
But I know better than that
So where do you go
When you need some time away from your heart
Or when you'd rather have second best?
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3
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Why You? And Why Not Me?
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Posted:Apr 19, 2016 2:14 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2016 4:50 pm
3407 Views
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You could just as easily advertise your face
You would receive a thousand likes alone for your smile
Maybe a million more for the dimpled cheeks
You're a beautiful, beautiful man
But I guess you don't see it
You could have your pick of women
Even keeping your clothes on
But you stand in front of the camera
Bearing your body
And losing your soul
I will never understand why you bother
Why would you play the game
Searching for love online
When the love of your life
Has been waiting
And she's so very close to home
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2
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A message to anyone who is biding his time
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Posted:Apr 19, 2016 7:08 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2020 5:20 pm
3545 Views
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A friend was commenting about how sometimes people wait too long to claim the one who loves them. And then she said that we are about to reach cougar age, and our men had better watch out because sooner or later, we won't be studying them. Then she said she thought it was worthy of a poem...so, here you go, Chica...was this what you had in mind?
You're certain it belongs to you
So you take all the time in the world
Offering what you want
giving the least little amount
knowing we’re waiting on you
giving you our undying devotion
lavishing you with our love
sharing our gifts and our talents
our deepest desires and needs
Some of you finally recognize what you have
And swoop down just in time to claim your prize
But the rest of you never get it
You wait too long
And then you realize what you thought belonged to you
Had an expiration date
A time limit
A shelf life
And you stayed away too long
And now someone else has come along
And stolen your prize.
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3
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A Night Spent With Parise
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Posted:Apr 17, 2016 9:49 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2016 5:33 am
3727 Views
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While driving down the road with you
I can barely contain myself
I cannot keep my hands off of you
The smoothness of your skin
The feel of your arms
So strong and yet soft to the touch
And as I run my hands over your body
You reach out and touch the curve of my face
And slowly you move your hand down my body
Stopping briefly at my breasts, long enough to tease me
And you caress my thigh for just a moment
But long enough for my body to react
And I slowly raise my hips
Hoping your hand will slip down between my slightly parted legs
Our passion starts to build as the evening wears on
Darkness starts to fall and so do our inhibitions
Before long we are pulled off the road somewhere
In some semi secluded location
The windows begin to fog\
As I pull you over to my side of the car
Our first kiss, your soft lips gently touching mine
Building with heat and intensity
Our tongues intertwine
Rapid pulses and hearts pounding
Wanting more, but not yet, no not yet
What are we going to do?
Will we continue or will we break away?
I raise myself over you in a riding motion
My soft breasts pressed into your hardened pectorals
My tongue plays gently with your earlobe
As you grind your hips into mine
Fast forward to a few minutes later
We are in a room together
You pull me down onto the bed with you
And we continue where we left off
Pretty soon our clothes are scattered on the floor
Lying naked together our bodies soon become one
A rhythm overtakes us, and it is like we have always been together
Rocking together, feeling each other’s needs and emotions
Suddenly I’m in outer space
Gripping your shoulders I climax again and again
As your intensity strengthens
And your body begins to shudder mirroring mine
Long into the night we touch each other
Holding onto one another
We learn all the secret places the other likes to be touched
Several more times I guide you into my body
Wanting you more each time
Until finally we are spent
Night begins to fade away
The morning sun is beginning to brighten the room
I can see you looking at me
Not even trying to conceal your feelings
The time has come for us to part
And go our separate ways
Will there be a next time?
Or are we satisfied and ready to move on?
I don’t feel complete now that you’re gone
You call me and tell me you feel the same way
And I know that it won’t be long until we are together again
Reunited by a passion that needs quenching like no other has before
And no other will again
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3
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Caught in her Fantasy
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Posted:Apr 16, 2016 5:48 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2016 8:20 pm
3426 Views
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She sat there scrolling through an adult dating site as she sat at Panera. With each passing picture, she guiltily expected someone to come and tap on her shoulder and ask her to leave. But she continued for a while, sipping her tea and responding to messages and turning down umpteen requests for random sex.
There is one guy that she would entertain. He appeals to her on so many levels, the least of which are his looks, and he's beautiful. His body is stunning. But it's his chat that has her coming back for more. It's his conversation that makes her giggle. It's his friendly ways that cause the fantasy, separating him from the rest of the men who stop to spend a little time. It must be that and the fact that he never offers more than conversations and smiles. He may just not be interested, but it doesn't matter. Sex always ends things, but conversation without sex can last forever. It's like an open ended invitation that has yet to be accepted.
But in the meantime, she sits and smiles at his teasing jokes and imagines what it would be like to lie beneath him, his powerful arms holding the rest of him up as his mouth tastes her lips and his hardened penis enters her for the first time. She pictures her hands reaching up and pulling his hips closer to her, pulling him deeper and deeper into her, filling her all the way up. Her nipples and luscious breasts crushed by his own pecs.
It's a fantasy, she knows. Unlikely to ever come true, but it's a fantasy she will revisit over and over again as time goes by, increasing the intensity as she gets go know him, changing the scenario as her desire for him grows. But this episode is cut short by a gentle tapping on her shoulder. Embarrassed, she is certain she was busted for what was on her iPhone screen. But that wasn't it. The manager just wanted to tell her the restaurant was closing soon. She hadn't noticed the time passing. She had apparently been sitting for several hours, enjoying the conversation and daydreaming about the man she had met on an adult dating site.
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0
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Working Nights.
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Posted:Apr 15, 2016 7:27 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2016 8:13 am
3724 Views
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Because it's Friday, and who doesn't like dirty poetry and random chuckles on Friday?
I went to the dentist the other day
She said my teeth looked great
Except for the fact that my gums were bleeding
She said it was from lack of sleep
Since I have been working nights
Guess I need to get more rest
Why? Why should I care if I lose my teeth
Bet I would suck dick a whole lot better
If I weren't worried about grazing nuts
Yeah, tc said my poetry reminded him a little bit
Of Charles Bukowski's poems
My Antney said I would have to use much more vulgarity for that
I guess that means I have to use words
Like pussy tits and cock
A whole lot more
I think I can manage that,
I will just make reference
To the good fucking I had on the way home from work this morning
And how hard would it be to talk about my pussy?
I mean my pussy is so good it's legendary
I guess I really should get more rest than I do
But it's so fucking hard when you work nights
And every moron under the sun wants to call your house
Or ring your door bell
I had three wrong numbers last week
In addition to the two idiot cock suckers who showed up at my door step
To fix my cable
They stood there for a minute
Insisting that I had called them
As the short guy leered at my tits
I assured them I didn't call them
What the fuck did I need cable for
When I was trying to sleep
But thanks for waking me
I said with my best "kiss my ass smile"
As a heads up I told them
That because they kept me from sleeping
I would probably lose my teeth that much quicker
And the next time they came to fix my cable
I would be sure to give them each a hummer they wouldn't forget too fast
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Making connections
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Posted:Apr 13, 2016 8:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2016 10:36 pm
3591 Views
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Life is about making connections. A few years ago a tragedy had befallen a friend of mine. During my visit with her, she reached out and grabbed my arms. It was a connection. It was a stabilizing force in her topsy turvy world. Sometimes we all need that. We need human contact. Whether it's through a conversation, making eye contact, or physically touching someone, we all need a sense of stability in the midst of all the turbulence.
Though the words my friend had spoken were completely unnecessary, I understood. She needed to make a connection; tomorrow would come and tragedy or not, her life would continue. Saying something to me, anything at all was her way of moving into the future when her world would try to set itself to right. In referencing something outside of her current circumstances, she was breathing new life into her own future.
Life really is about connections. Sometimes we are making the connection, and other times we are the link for others to go on their way and make new connections of their own.
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