Hi everyone, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!I could really use an ear!
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Posted:Sep 14, 2010 2:32 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2010 1:37 am
6900 Views
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Hello to all my old "friends" on here if they are still here. Well update. Have had periods of seeing guys, had a FB for a bit, then being celibate due to depression. I joined another site about two weeks ago - yep for marrieds and you guessed it, became smitten with this guy. Of course, he is married too and really, really loves his wife and is never gonna leave them. He said outright in chatting online: "You are never going to have my heart and soul"
We got to chatting and emailing and the chemistry was electric. I thought this was really gonna happen last week. But then I saw signs that he really wasn't "into me" the same way I was into him. So I told him.
I told him a bit about my past and he told me that he would hurt me if we were to become involved - he says I am the type who would fall hard and would want more of him that he could give and so he just wants to be friends - he just wants to regale me with his last sexual exploits, chat, get me to be a confidante. He even suggested I leave my H (b'coz we have no ) and go to a singles dating site. I got hurt and sent a few emails and messages wanting explanation and sounding hurt and confused, but I leaving him alone and have deleted him from messenger contact so I am not tempted to offline message him or see that he is offline. I am not gonna "boil his bunny" or stalk him or be vindictive - I actally want to learn from my past!!! but I am really, really hurting. If any of you know me, I am wired up to hurt and "limer" over a guy for many years!!
It seems that while women get to choose, men call the shots about the terms of a relationship if a woman wants him. It seems that while it is O.K. for him NOT to want to give his heart & soul away, he wants me to be his online friend and THINKS that somehow I can do that without giving my heart away to him in the process. Meanwhile he is fancying or doing someone else.
So basically, he cannot really handle me wanting him and he has run for the hills.
The THING I don't get is that HE thinks he is gonna find someone on that extra-marital site who wants NSA/casual fun, yet he has said that he hasn't been able to have an extra-marital relationship with anyone he hasn't felt an emotional connection for. I guess he can still play, and feel some sort of connection to someone but not give his heart/soul away.
I just DON'T geddit????????????????????
Why is it SO bloody hard?
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Guys, besides your cock, what makes you a good fcuk?
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Posted:Jan 30, 2008 12:57 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2010 2:38 pm
6508 Views
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Just wondering, because nearly all of you are such good talkers and in practice, rarely put your cock where your mouth is. Even if you have an ample tool, and that must mean both length and girth, most of you wouldn't have a clue in hell how to really seduce and fuck a woman, so tell me, those of you who think you are good at it, why you think you are!
I know as a woman want men look for...they want womanly, shapely bodies, interesting minds and erotic clothing and receptivity to kinkiness. One guy who fucked and then forgot me recently was into fetish wear. Needless to say, when he turned up at a dinner with his billeted fuck buddy (who later turned out to be his girlfriend, which he neglected to mention and which I was rather angry about), she was wearing a corset. Then again, all the women were wearing corsets. I wonder how lots of the women knew how to wear corsets at this particular dinner, which I have to find out.
But once they get you in bed, I guess they want athleticism, the ability to be able to maintain your legs high in the air while they penetrate you with their cock. They want responsiveness, though I know from having watched and listening to women fucking in real life, that alot of them "turn on" sound effects for the benefit of the cock who thinks they are doing a good job at fucking them.
But I wonder what it is for you guys, what makes a woman a good fuck, and not just a vagina who is willing to be ploughed by you for a night?
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Why do I call me blog the "Bunny Boiler Archives"???
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Posted:Jan 20, 2008 4:02 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2010 2:41 pm
6431 Views
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Well you see, that is what I woz when I woz all hung up over Mr Darcy. Woz thinking of Mr Darcy and the email he sent me over two years ago which really hurt me. He really must have had "tickets on himself" (as we say in Oz) to write to me like that. But then again, like aint that a pre-requisite for a guy being on this site???
But seriously, that is what I woz when I was obsessed with him and I wish I wasn't then but I woz. I have improved a bit, but I still get obsessed with certain men. I was also told by this psychic guy I consulted in Newtown (Sydney) that I was a "bunny boiler" to "Mr Darcy".
I know what you are thinking...shit, eh?
I consulted this guy because I was impressed he had a PhD. It turns out it was a PhD in some kind of psychic science, actually parapsychology, gained by correspondence from a university in the U.K. but apparently quite legit and he told me his thesis was published online at some stage?
Anyway, here I am now....Apparently, some women or people are blessed with the emotional strength not to ever obsess over any love interest.
I wish I was one of those people. Probably the subject of my next blog post.
P.S. A little "hello again" note to Looking4.....you always know how to find me, don't you luv?
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The rule for women on here...MOUTH CLEARLY SHUT AND LEGS WIDE OPEN...
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Posted:Jan 17, 2008 5:41 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2010 2:43 pm
6389 Views
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Well, that is my experience. The more you tell a guy about yourself, your deepest thoughts, fears, the more he runs for the hills.
It does seem that for a guy I like, the less I say, the better I do. You spill your guts (as lovehunter9 once remarked to me) and they do the piss bolt as fast as a roo hearing a shot. The men want you to keep your mouth shut and legs open.
That has happened to me (again) and that is why I am back on this handle. Because, yep...once more, it is too painful for me to use the other handle. The one I used originally to "spy" on the first guy who hurt me and which I later adopted for a fresh start. So here I am, back again, reverting to my previous handle to escape another heartbreak.
That's my story. No deception involved. Just too painful to keep my other profile and handle going.
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Goodbye everyone, nice knowing you all, but do I have a choice when the obvious is staring at me ???
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Posted:Apr 1, 2007 8:19 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2010 2:52 pm
6225 Views
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hello, over the next few weeks I shall be archiving my blogs and attempting to leave this site once and for all. I have noticed various things about the site and I know that people play games on other sites affiliated with this one. They give you one impression, when they in fact are the other.
"Rest assurred" to quote a certain person that the one who you are thinking of is on another site, merrily fucking away. Fucking and fucking until they can fuck no more.
Sometimes I feel I have lost my faith in humanity as a result of this site. I especially seem to have lost my faith in men and I never will regain it, we are just too diametrically opposed in so many ways, even if we manage to agree on other things. Men are just there for me to use. I do as others have done to me. Pure and simple.
The only men who succeed in this world are the men who want to fuck with women's minds for a quick ego trip and the only women who succeed are those who allow them to fuck their bodies, but who are strong enough not to allow them to fuck with their minds. Or the women who don't care enough about a guy, and so who really are in it for the sex and they don't have any feelings for the man besides wanting their hard cock and so it is just a sexual transaction, a pure fuck.
The women have to make themselves fuckable so they appeal to the men and out-compete with the other women. The women have to keep their emotions closed and spread their legs to get anywhere.
A sad reality of life and a sad reality of this site.
NO more has to be said.
No more can be said.
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In the long run, does it really matter whether you fuck, or not?
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Posted:Mar 28, 2007 3:42 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2010 2:52 pm
6511 Views
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Well, a part of me would love to give a paper and talk about my experiences since becoming a member of this site...there is alot I could say, but it would be mostly anecdotal...I could not back up what I am saying with research, or analytical data to impress academics, but I could make a few educated conclusions based on my observations and experiences. I could talk about this site, about the "sex industry" as a whole. But today I am sad. There has been a ferry accident and tragically some people have died on Sydney Harbour, a 14 year-old girl is missing and it being so close to home, I can only feel for what these families are going through. So, sex is the last thing on my mind.
Yesterday, I was thinking about this whole sex thing. Sure, there are some men who are sensual giving lovers, who revel in women's bodies, who know exactly what to do, how to please a woman. They may even be unselfish enough to make sure the woman can enjoy herself and not have to worry about pleasing him. I even experienced this yesterday. But none of these men have ever touched my soul. None of these men, including my husband, has ever made me feel like I want to look at them and see into their soul, while they are having sex with me. None of them have ever made me feel like I want to look into their eyes and they into mine, because we both know what this means to us.
No-one has ever made love to me, like I imagine it to be in all the pictures in the books on lovemaking I have. But perhaps, that is not meant to be for me and perhaps, the fantasy is so much nicer than the reality, and I would prefer to keep it a fantasy forever, because if it ever happened in real life, it would in reality, be a disappointment. Yesterday, as these overweight ageing and unattractive men walked into this place, I chatted with two of them, let two of them play with me, they carressed me, they played with my tits, they fingered my pussy, they sucked and tugged at my nipples and boobs. Yes, I enjoyed it. I would be lying if I said I didn't. Another just wanted to come over my body, even though it wasn't that messy, it was really disgusting to see a stranger do this, use me in this demeaning way and I wonder why I agreed. But I closed my eyes, as they fondled and played with me, I did not look at them, because I did not like what I saw, I closed my eyes and imagined what I would like to see next to me, not the actual person who was there, even though I was grateful for their touch. I chatted with them again, none of them fucked me, both of them could not rise to the occasion again, but even if I had fucked them, none of them would have been even remotely close to making love to me. One of them remarked that I "did not take the lead", and said that "I had to get him hard again"...well, I did not want to do that. I asked him if I was a snob as I didn't just go up to men I did not feel any attraction to, but sometimes I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and he seemed to imply after thinking about it, that perhaps I was. I replied that I guess beggars can't be choosers. But, I did not want to be responsible for stimulating a man to want to fuck again and so I walked away disappointed. Though I am glad I did not fuck them, I am glad my inhibitions made me think of me, because fucking them would have made me feel worse.
But I was so disappointed, because I so wanted to taste a fantasy, I wanted a man to arouse me, I wanted a man to want me. I WANTED A MAN WHO I WANTED TO GENUINELY WANT ME BACK TOO. But afterwards, I sat there, knowing how stupid I was to even think it could come true with any of these men. But I was scared. Scared because if I found someone I wanted to make love with, emotions are involved, it is just not visceral, animal fucking and I might get emotionally involved and I don't want to do that. I don't want to hurt anyone after what I have been through. I don't want to hurt anyone else, when it is bad enough I am hurting the man I professed to love for better or for worse, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.
How stupid I was to think it can come true with anyone, besides some fantasy man in my head.
Then I realised, it doesn't matter. In the grand scheme of things, whether you masturbate, whether you fuck, whether you make love, in the end, it really doesn't matter.
The time will still pass, people will still come and go, you will still feel happy, you will still feel sad. The man who I didn't fuck said that happiness is a state of mind. Therefore, it doesn't matter who you fuck or even if you are fucking.
That fucking says it all, really.
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...and so I got fucked anonymously
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Posted:Mar 26, 2007 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2010 2:54 pm
6518 Views
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So I do that. I go to clubs where the fucking is anonymous - I can get lucky there if I am confident and vamp it up, but generally, they want a blow job beforehand before they will consider fucking you. But on Sunday night, there was a group of latino boys in the spa and I guess being young, they had no difficulty getting it up again. So I got fucked on the side on the cold marble of the spa.
They fuck me athletically, they don't care who I am, what I look like or anything. They never go down on me, they never carress me or tell me I am beautiful, but I get fucked.
Then I move around and sure enough, there is some blonde skinny bird there with her partner, but she is nice and I try to and forget about the skinny blonde babes like her who the guys really wanna fuck and who fall over themselves and wank themselves with the frustration of wanting to fuck them, but still I offer up myself for fucking. But it is too late when I get there and most are fucked out. I watch her while the guys fuck her from behind. I watch her and women like her at other times, watch their skinny arses being pumped. But that night, I looked at myself in the mirror and rate myself on a scale of 1 to 10 as to how fuckable I am. I wonder how many fucking years I have left. I wonder whether I have to make up for years of not being fucked, of not understanding what it is to be fucked, of not having the feeling of wanting to be fucked,but knowing that all these years, all these years I have seen the hot chicks, all the those years, my best fucking years have passed. So, I could have been a hot chick too, like all these woman have been fucked. They have been fucked hundreds of times, probably thousands of times, maybe.
I conclude that I am not that fuckable. I am maybe a 4 out of 10. The body is what makes you fuckable. The slim body and the blonde hair and the confidence. My once beautiful face, but now which feels so weary and which I feel sags with the ravages of fighting illness and despair, my thick hair with its greying strands, my large but slightly saggy breasts, my thick thighs, don't count jack in this place. Now, this particular couple always want me to go down on the girl, which I do, but it doesn't happen to me. I move to another "room" and talk and touch a soft cock who is too scared to fuck, he just wants to watch. I look at the cocks who are their with partners and who are happy to let others watch them fuck but who only fuck who they know and who would probably be bad fucks anyway.
I do this occasionally. I leave and I go home and I never want to see any of these men again, let alone take their .
But I get fucked. I get a good fucking which makes me feel like I am at least a fucking woman.
And then I go home to my husband and pretend I was someone where and he is in bed, having waited up for me, but now tired and desperate for a cuddle and so he says he misses me and I kiss him and tell him how much I have missed him too and how much I love him.
And so I put the guilt out of my mind, because at least the fucking was anonymous and there were no emotions.
But yesterday I log on to the site where Mr Darcy is and I chat to a UK guy and he calls me at home and we have phone sex and I dream about what it is like to be made love to. I have been fucked you see, but no-one has ever made love to me, not in the way I have always envisaged or Romanticised about it. But I just wanted to call him back and cry. Because I imagine no-one will ever make love to me and then the following day, I hear of another announcement of someone who is pregnant. Or, I walk past another pregnant belly on the footpath and I wonder what they are fucking doing right in their relationship, why is their relationship so strong that they can get themselves fucked and pregnant and think they have the capacity to bring a into this world and raise it and I don't - I don't have that capacity, any more than I do to understand advanced mathematics or physics or contemplate other things I will never understand.
And I think, what the fuck did I do to be mentally unwell as to not be fucked. What did I do that means that when people say I could not cope with a , because I cannot even care for myself, they are absolutely fucking right. But I cry, I cry for the mother who I will never be. That is all I wanted to do afterwards, just cry. Cry like a fucking girl. So this morning I cried about what I will never have in my marriage and I concluded I can never leave him and I have to cope with not having , just like others do with their disabilities. So fucking what. But another day is not going to be wasted thinking about sex, love, fucking, or any combination thereof. Because I can cope with what this fucking life dishes out. In the end, we all do.
But I am not going to get emotionally involved. I cannot dispense emotions anymore and care for people when I am unwell and maybe have someone look after me. At the least, someone should be looking out for my arse.
Why do I do this demeaning fucking? I do it because the fucking makes me feel better, it makes me feel like I don't give a shit about anything and also because very soon, I know I will be disappointed and I want to see whether I can get a better fuck and so I feel like getting fucked again.
So I wait until I next time I get horny and like a beggar pleading for a buck, I wonder where my next fuck is going to come from.
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To link to this blog (ella1966) use [blog ella1966] in your messages.
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