Visions of Pleasure
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Posted:Jun 4, 2009 4:00 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2009 11:00 am
4787 Views
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Because I’m so far away, your vibrator has to fill in for me. Morning is your horniest time of day. After a cup of coffee and checking your email, you return to your bed to break out BOB (your Battery-Operated Boyfriend). You strip out of your panties and lie down. You like to start out with BOB poised right above your clit and think about what image you want to use as your fantasy. Sometimes that image is the last time you had sex, maybe out on the patio. A little thrill of excitement shivers through you. Yes, this vision will work . . .
It's around midnight and there's a warm breeze blowing. We strip off our clothes, not caring that any neighbor can see. (Hmmm, I wonder if anyone does?) You press the button and BOB hums to life. You lightly press it against your clit. In your mind you see me sit down on the bench and you lowering onto me, holding the back of the seat. Taking me inside you is easy because you are so ready.
Your pussy is slick. I slide right on. You position your feet on the bench beside me and your legs are doing all the work, a slow, grinding, up-and-down motion as you work my cock, slowly at first, then with more urgency. I scoot down in the seat a little so you can take me deeper, then harder and faster. Oh yeah, that’s the way it was. It was a hard, fast fuck and just what you needed. Up and down, up and down go your hips as you remember it all and BOB still lightly teases your clit.
Hmmm, you like it, but that image lasts only about a minute in your head. You’re not quite there yet, so you browse your mind for another. How about another time on another patio . . .?
We stand close together, my fingers at working underneath your skirt. As a special favor to me, you go without panties and enjoy the feeling of the summer breezes. After a few minutes you tell me it’s no use, that you’re too tired to come. But I keep at it. I grab your hair and pull your head back, whispering in your ear, “Come on. You can do it. You know how good it feels.” You feel the warmth of my breath in your ear, the little licks to your earlobe, my fingers on your clit. You just melt.
You surrender to the sensations. and come you do. You can actually feel yourself come from deep inside, from where I pushed my fingers in to reach your G-spot, then past my fingers, over my hand, and dripping down onto your leg. That’s the warm, wet feeling you love so much.
You imagine that feeling and move BOB away momentarily to explore your wet insides, then you rub your clit with your fingertips. You’re so close. You put BOB back on your clit and your hips are working side to side now. You pull up another image, a totally imaginary scenario, but one that you love.
You put a pillow over your eyes so it’s dark. You’re blindfolded and there are hands all over you, touching you everywhere. Not just hands, but hands with leather gloves. The gloves rub your nipples, pinching with just the right pressure. You press BOB down harder onto your clit. You imagine those gloves on your thighs, spreading them wide apart and then on your calves doing the same. One leather-gloved finger finds its way into your mouth and you suck on it. There are gloved hands playing with your sensitive areas and there’s someone running their hands across your scalp. Leather fingers are probing your pussy, plunging in and bringing up warm juices, rubbing your clit, making you come. Then another leather finger smears juice lower, across your asshole.
Waves of pleasure course through you. Your body tenses up and the pillow falls away as you arch to meet the pleasure. You leave BOB on your clit until the waves recede and finally you turn him off. You fall back onto your pillow and lie there in a brilliant glow, relaxed yet energetic all the same.
Now, you say to yourself, I think I can get through the day.
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2
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Opportunism
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Posted:Jun 1, 2009 5:34 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2009 12:14 pm
4659 Views
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A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," is the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29."
"Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
Since there is no one else around, the man thinks “What the hell?” and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
”Simple,” the old lady replies. "I was behind you in McDonald's."
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4
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Pickup
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Posted:May 27, 2009 1:49 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2009 5:25 am
5627 Views
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We have so much fun when we spice up our sex life by doing a bit of role play. So we decide to pretend to be strangers at a bar, where I try to pick you up.
We go to the bar separately, and when you arrive you see that I’m already there, sitting at one end of the bar with a drink in front of me. You’re wearing a tight blouse that reveals a good bit of cleavage, as well as a short skirt and high heels.
You pretend not to notice me as you walk to a booth on the other side of the room and sit down. After a minute a waitress comes over and takes your drink order. As she turns away, you see me signal to her to come over. I say something to her, and when she comes back with your drink she tells you that it’s compliments of the gentleman at the bar. You look over at me, pretending to be surprised, and then raise your glass to me in a gesture of thanks.
There’s a man sitting next to me at the bar, and you see him look in your direction, then turn and say something to me. From the expression on his face you decide that he’s approving of my choice of pickups. I smile at him, then get up and proceed to walk toward you. When I reach the booth, I smile and say, “Good evening, miss. Mind if I join you?”
You pretend to hesitate for a moment, then motion for me to sit down. “Thank you for the drink,” you say.
As I begin to introduce myself, just as if we’ve never met before, you see that the other man at the bar is looking in our direction. You’re pretty sure he’s feeling envious of me, and wishing he was in my place. Some of the other men at the bar are watching us, too. You deliberately cross your legs to give them even more to look at.
We start out making small talk, as strangers might, but soon our conversation becomes flirtatious, and then more heated. We may be pretending to be strangers, but we’re strangers who know damn well how this night is going to end. Finally things get to the point where I bring up the age-old question: “Shall we go to your place or mine?”
“Why don’t you just follow me?” you say, and with that you get up and walk out of the bar, with me right behind you. Some of the men are still watching us, and you know they’re imagining what we’ll be doing, and again wishing that they were leaving with you instead of me. Knowing this only adds to your excitement.
We walk out of the bar and into the parking lot, heading toward our cars, which are parked next to each other. You unlock your car door and toss your purse inside. I start to unlock my car, too, but as I’m doing so you decide you don’t want to wait anymore. As long as we’re spicing things up, you think, we might as well go all out. You call my name, and when I turn to face you, you move up against me and kiss me hard. At the same time you bring your hands to my belt and begin to unbuckle it.
Startled, I break the kiss and grab at your hands. “What are you doing?” I demand. “Are you crazy? People can see.”
It’s true we’re out in the open air, but we’re sandwiched by our cars, so the sight lines are limited. “So what?” you say. “I want to suck your cock, and I want to do it right here and now. Now shut the fuck up and give me what I want.”
Pulling your hands free, you manage to unbuckle my belt, then quickly open my pants and let them drop down to my ankles. You kneel down in front of me, yank out my thick cock and slip it into your mouth.
You’ve been wanting that cock all evening, and you immediately begin to bob up and down on it, sucking all of it and taking it deep into your throat. You hear me moan as I lean back against my car. You spread your legs as you kneel there, feeling the cool air on your hot pussy through your thin panties. You bring one hand down between your legs and slide a finger under your panties and into your very damp pussy. As you continue to suck on my cock, you raise that finger to my mouth and let me taste you, as a preview of what’s to come.
After sucking on me for a while you make your way down to my balls and jiggle them in your mouth before dragging your tongue back up over my cock and devouring it again. You can tell that I’m close to coming, and you feel my fingers tangle themselves in your hair. “Is this what you want?” I gasp out. “Do you want me to come? Where do you want it?”
You take your mouth off me for a moment. “I want you to come on my tits,” you say excitedly. “All over my tits!” And you quickly swallow me again, sucking me harder and faster, and tear open your blouse as you do so. You feel my legs tense up. You glance up to see that I’m looking around wildly, hoping no one discovers us.
“Oh, Christ! I’m coming!” I gasped. You whip my cock out of your mouth while spreading your blouse open for me. I give another short cry, and then my hot come shoots out onto your chest.
“Yeah, baby. That’s it!” you moan. “Give it to me! Give it all to me!” As my spurts begin to diminish, you grab hold of my cock with one hand, keeping it pointed at your chest, while with the other hand you spread my sperm all over both of your tits and onto your erect nipples.
When I finish spraying you, you slip my cock back into your mouth to make sure you suck out every ounce of my sweet juices. That cock is still pretty hard, and now I reach down to grab your arms and pull you to your feet. “Come here, baby. “I’m going to fuck that wet pussy of yours,” I growl.
Evidently I’m not too worried anymore about anybody seeing us. A second later I open my car door and turn you around, bending you forward with your hands resting on the seat as I slide your skirt up. Your panties are gone in a flash, and you feel my finger suddenly slide inside your pussy. “Hmmm, you are nice and wet!” I say.
“Damn right,” you reply. “My pussy is waiting for that hard cock of yours to fuck it. Now fuck me good!”
The next thing you know my probing cock is replacing my probing finger. You spread your legs far apart and feel my hands on your waist as I start pumping you with my thick dick. Then one of those hands slips down to your crotch and begins to rub your clit as I fuck you. I’m driving you wild, and you know you’re going to come soon.
“You like that, baby?” I ask you breathlessly. “You like what I’m doing to you?”
“Christ, yes!” you gasp. “Keep doing it. Just keep doing it, baby. Please!” You’re moaning in sheer ecstasy now because I’m fucking you the way you need to be fucked, the only way I can do it. Your moans and cries are unmuffled, and you’re aware that anyone in the parking lot can hear you now. But you can’t stop.
Those sounds culminate in a scream of passion as your body convulses in orgasm. I thrust even harder as you come and come, and then let out a loud gasp as I shoot my load inside you.
Your legs feel weak and almost numb as you feel me slide slowly out of you. As I take a step back, you turn and kneel in front of me again, taking that cock back into your mouth and once again sucking out any last drops of my come.
“Jesus!” I say as you stand up again. “You’re one wild pickup, lady. Now why don’t we go home and fuck some more?”
“I’ll be right behind you,” you say, opening your car door.
“Only till we get there,” I say, grinning at you. “Then I’ll be the one behind you.”
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5
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Observation and Question
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Posted:May 26, 2009 2:08 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2009 7:10 pm
5616 Views
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I’d like to make an observation and pose a question.
I read a lot of women's profiles. And many of them shamelessly contain a requirement for a “well-hung” man. Or it may be more specific. “You’d better be packing at least 9 inches or don’t bother contacting me.” Actually, I’ve seen that number as high as 10 on more than one occasion.
As a man who is modestly endowed, I’m hopelessly disqualified again and again. But wait! Maybe I should get a penile implant so that I can be competitive.
Now, in addition to reading a lot of women’s profiles, I see a lot of women’s profile photos. While certainly not a majority, there are a significant number of women who’ve obviously opted to enhance Mother Nature’s breast allocation. Bionic boobies.
In my limited experience, I’ve been with just two women who’ve gone the breast-enhancement route. It may have given them better self-esteem. But when it comes to playtime, I’m not impressed with rigid jugs. Frankly, I don’t care how big or small they are. Just let them be natural.
So it appears that it’s acceptable for a woman to offer cosmetically enhanced titties as if she’s all natural, while writing that she requires a man who is “real.”
My question, which is probably rhetorical: Is there a double standard here?
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6
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A Matter of Semantics
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Posted:May 26, 2009 4:29 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2009 1:49 pm
4623 Views
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Army Lt. Johnson gets himself a new secretary. She’s young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she notices that his fly is open.
When leaving the room, she says, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open."
He does not understand her remark. But later on, he happens to look down and sees that his zipper is open. He decides to have some fun with his secretary.
Calling her in, he asks, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"
"Why no, sir,” the secretary replies. “All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
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You Want a Dominant Lover
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Posted:May 20, 2009 5:54 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2009 5:52 am
6079 Views
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While eating dinner at a restaurant in Los Angeles during a consulting assignment, I notice you looking at me. You’re seated with a man at a table across the room, and the two of you appear to be talking about me, both of you glancing over at me from time to time. After a while the man leaves, and you get up and walk over to me.
You’re very attractive, with auburn hair and a nice figure, about five feet five and 120 pounds. You’re wearing slacks and a blouse, and appear to be in good shape. You look as though you want to say something, but don’t know quite how to go about it.
“May I help you?” I ask. You don’t respond, but still stand there. I ask you if you want to sit down, and you nod and take a seat opposite me.
After a few uncomfortable moments, you finally speak, apologizing for interrupting my meal. I smile and tell you it’s my pleasure to be joined by an attractive young woman. You then tell me your name. I tell you mine, and ask if you think we’ve met before. You shake your head. Then you take a breath and come out with what’s on your mind.
“It’s my husband’s 40th birthday,” you begin. “And we were thinking–well, we were exploring the possibility–“You pause again. “I’m sorry,” you say. “This is hard to talk about. You see, my husband would like me to–to have sex with another man while he watches.”
You’re breathing deeply after finally getting it out. Your face is red, and you look nervous.
“Wow,” is all I can say for a moment. Then I say, “And you want me to be the other man?”
“Well, you look interesting,” you say. “And you’re well groomed, mature, and–and kind of sexy.”
“Thank you,” I happily respond. “Um . . . do you do this often?”
“No. We–we tried to arrange it a couple of times, but it didn’t work out. So this would be the first time. Robert–my husband–wants only to watch.”
Of course I’m intrigued; what man wouldn’t be? But I have to know more. “What kind of sex are you thinking of?” I ask you. “Just straight fucking? Or are you up for oral sex? Or anal?”
I want to see if you’re shocked, but you seem to take it in stride. “I’m willing to try whatever you want, if you will do this for us,” you reply.
As far as I’m concerned, saying you’ll do anything I want clinches the deal for me. I tell you I’m interested, but first I want to test you out, to see how serious you are.. I ask you to open the top button on your blouse and show me the goods. You hesitate and look around nervously, but then you do it. “And the next,” I say. I see you swallow, but you open that button too, giving me a look at your enticing cleavage.
I then tell you I want you to go to the rest room, remove your underwear, and put it in your purse. Again you hesitate for a long moment, but then you get up and go to the ladies’ room. A few minutes later you return. There’s no panty line under your slacks, and your nipples, which I’m interested to see are now aroused, protrude very visibly against your blouse.
I then tell you that I’m ready to do what you want, but that there are some rules. You have to do exactly as I ask. I say I want one hour alone with you before your husband comes in the room. When you agree to this, I tell you I can’t do it tonight, but if you give me your address I’ll come to your house tomorrow night at eight o’clock.
Next day I find a local boutique and purchase some sexy lingerie to send to you: a black low-cut lace bustier with stocking straps, black satin and lace thong panties, and black stockings. I also purchase a blindfold, several kinds of body lotion, and some sex toys. I have the lingerie sent to your house, along with a note telling you that I want you to wear it with a sexy dress for my visit that night.
I arrive a few minutes before eight, carrying a bouquet of roses and a bag containing the other things I purchased. Robert meets me at the door and shakes my hand. He looks nervous but excited. He thanks me for coming and says he hopes I have a nice time. You look radiant. You’ve fixed your hair and are nicely made up. You have on a snug black miniskirt and a semi-sheer black silk blouse, which shows off your nice figure. I greet you with a friendly kiss on the cheek and hand you the flowers. I ask you if you’re nervous. “Yes,” you reply, blushing a little. “But don’t worry; I’m not going to back out now.”
I tell you that you look fantastic, then ask if you’re ready to follow orders. You smile and nod quickly. “Great,” I say, and then, in front of your husband, I give you a very warm, full kiss on the lips. I then inform you, as if you don’t know, that you’re going to be my sex object for the rest of the evening.
“We’re going to play a little game of Simon Says,” I tell you, “to see if you’re ready to go through with this. Simon says rub your breasts and pinch your nipples through your top.” With a self-conscious glance at your husband, still standing there watching, you comply. Next I tell you to hike up your skirt and show me your lingerie. You do so, and turn around, showing me a great ass, framed by the garter straps and thong panties.
Next I tell you to tell me what you want.
“I want to have sex,” you say.
“Plainer than that,” I demand.
You take a breath. “I want to get fucked.”
“And what else?” I say.
“I–want to suck your cock.”
I tell you you’ve passed your first test, then tell you to give your husband a good-bye kiss and walk him to the door. Which you do. I then order you to lead me to the master bedroom.
Once there I open my bag and pull out a black blindfold. I tell you I’m going to have a little fun with your body, and that being blindfolded will heighten your senses. After putting it on you I hold you for a few minutes, rubbing your back and shoulders and letting my hands wander. I unbutton a few buttons on your blouse so I can see the tops of your breasts overflowing the bustier. I nuzzle your neck and begin nibbling at it. You smell delightful. I then place you on the king-size bed and tell you I’m going to cover your body with lotion. Before you can respond I kiss you on the lips and place my hand on your full breasts for the first time. I then tell you that if you like, we can call Robert on his cell phone so he can listen in, though he can’t come home yet. “He’ll like that,” you say. You give me the number and I dial it.
“Listen and enjoy,” I tell Robert when he answers.
Taking a bottle of lotion from my bag, I pull open your blouse, remove the cap from the bottle, and slowly pour the lotion into the valley between your breasts. As the heavy liquid runs down your body, I move the bottle back and forth, pouring large amounts of lotion over your breasts both inside and outside your blouse, covering your tits with it. Taking a second bottle, I pull the front of the bustier away from your body and fill the breast cups with lotion before easing it back, encasing your tits in a soft sticky bath, with the overflow running down over your bustier and your body. You moan, but don’t say anything. When the second bottle is empty, I begin massaging the lotion in. I knead your breasts, exploring their fullness and bringing your nipples to attention. They are straining visibly through your lotion-soaked garments.
I then turn you over onto your stomach, take a third bottle of lotion, and repeat the action, this time focusing on your ass and thighs, leaving your miniskirt and panties soaked and clinging to your body. You moan contentedly as I massage your thighs and ass. Then I pour a fourth bottle over your back, and massage it thoroughly. Turning you over again, I use a fifth bottle on your skirt, rubbing it into your thighs and pubic area. Your moaning increases, and I know Robert can hear it clearly through the phone.
Now I unbutton your blouse and peel it off, taking in the sight of your breasts bulging out of their confines. I next unzip your skirt and slowly remove it. Your black-clad body glistens in a puddle of warm lotion.
You catch your breath sharply as I swiftly remove your panties by ripping the thin fabric at the sides. Your nicely groomed bush is stimulating to see. I quickly move between your legs, wipe the lotion from your crotch with a clean towel, and attack your cunt with my mouth. For the next 15 minutes I munch on your clit and pussy lips. In a little while you’re gasping and thrashing wildly, moaning, “Oh, it feels so good! More, more!” I don’t know if your reactions are exaggerated for Robert’s benefit or if you’re truly that excited.
I pause to catch my breath, then retrieve a vibrator from my bag. I lift your legs and place the tip of the vibrator at your anus, then turn it on and slowly work it into your ass. You’re squirming like crazy and moaning like there’s no tomorrow. I suspect you’ve never used a vibrator this way before.
I turn to the telephone and tell Robert that I have a vibrator up his wife’s ass and am going to make you come. With the device comfortably planted, I then resume nibbling on your clit. You continue thrashing, and in only a few moments erupt in orgasm.
I remove the vibrator, then quickly tear off my clothes. “Now it’s my turn,” I say for Robert’s benefit as I climb between your legs and place my rock-hard tool at the entrance to your hot, wet cunt. You’re still catching your breath as I begin to enter her. Needless to say, you’re well lubricated as I pummel you in the missionary position. As I pump in and out, my hands massaging your tits, I provide Robert a detailed description. “My big cock is now in your wife’s cunt, Robert,” I say. “She likes it. I’m going to fuck the daylights out of her. Her tits feel so good, and she’s so hot.”
You are moaning now about how good my thick cock feels. I pull down the bustier, revealing your tits and nipples. It isn’t long before I climax, flooding your cunt as I maul your tits. Then I collapse on top of your lotion-soaked body.
I turn to the phone again and tell Robert he should come home now, to watch what else I have planned for his naughty wife. I tell him you’re going to give me a great blowjob and get fucked in every hole before the night is over. I then remove your blindfold and begin French-kissing you as I fondle your body. I tell you that when Robert arrives I want you to be on top of me, getting fucked. You’re still wearing your lotion-soaked stockings and your pulled-down bustier.
When we hear Robert’s car in the driveway, I lie in the middle of the bed and tell you to climb on. You quickly comply, and as Robert enters the room you’re fucking yourself rhythmically on my cock, your lotion-covered body glistening in the low light. You proceed to put on quite a show for your husband, alternating your speed and raising yourself almost completely off my cock before slamming down. You’re very vocal, moaning and grunting, and every few minutes you grab my head and smother my face in your boobs while you catch your breath. Robert looks stunned as he stands watching. When we both come, you collapse on me, panting, while I fondle your ass.
I then ask Robert to fix us some drinks, and I tell you we’re going to shower up before continuing in the family room. I shower first, then put on one of Robert’s robes. As I head downstairs, I tell you to dress in something sexy before coming to join us.
Robert has the drinks made when I get there, and a few minutes later you come in. I’m impressed; you’re wearing a very low-cut bra, bikini panties, a garter belt, and stockings under a sheer white robe. I tell you to come and sit on my lap, facing me. With Robert watching intently, we make out for several minutes, with me rubbing your panty-covered ass, suckling your breasts, and French-kissing you. I then tell you I’m ready for my blowjob. You get on your knees on the floor in front of me and reach for my penis, fondling it gently before leaning forward and taking it in your mouth.
For the next 15 minutes, you work on my tool. Given our prior action, I’m able to enjoy the sensation far longer than normal without losing it. When the time comes to unload, I pull out of your mouth and shoot several streams of come onto your tits. I tell you to massage my jism into your breasts, and as you comply it’s clear that you’re completely into your role.
Robert is now masturbating through his pants as he sits in a corner of the room. I tell you to get a vibrator from my bag and masturbate for us while I regain my strength. For the next 20 minutes, you blissfully bring yourself off again and again by working the vibrator on your clit as you lie on the couch.
Finally the spectacle has me hard again, and I tell you to remove her robe and panties and lean over the arm of the couch. I grab some lubricant from my bag and begin massaging it into your ass. I then take the vibrator you’ve been using and insert it into your vagina.
I now tell Robert I’m going to fuck your ass while he watches. You’re facing him, and he can see your tits spilling from your bra as you lean over. I slowly work my finger up your ass. You’re ready, and so am I. I replace the finger with my cock, and in short order I’m fully and snugly inserted in your tight rear passage. You’re is squirming and moaning before I even begin to pump. For the next 10 minutes I work in and out, occasionally resting or stopping to fondle your tits while telling Robert how great your ass feels around my cock.
After a while I quicken my pace and begin pounding forcefully into your willing back hole. The feeling of your soft, round ass against my groin is fantastic. You come, yelling with pleasure, a minute before I unload what seems like a gallon of come up into your backside.
Once I’ve recovered my breath, I tell you to go and give your husband a blowjob while I clean up. Robert is in heaven as you, on your knees on the floor in front of him, work on his aching member.
When I’m dressed and ready to leave, I shake Robert’s hand and pat your bare ass goodbye as you continue sucking him. I then let myself out, putting an end to one of the most incredible evenings of my life.
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4
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Hats Off to the Police
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Posted:May 18, 2009 4:00 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2009 12:53 pm
5182 Views
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Three baseball fans were passing by Central Park on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the street. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.
Out of respect and propriety, the Mets fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Yankees fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, but with some grumbling, the Red Sox fan took off his cap and place it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Mets cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes.
Next, he lifted up the Yankees cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes.
The officer then lifted the Red Sox cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it again a third time, and replaced it one last time.
The Red Sox fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking?"
”Well,” said the officer. “I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Red Sox cap, I find an asshole.”
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3
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Surprise
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Posted:May 14, 2009 4:13 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2009 11:05 am
5153 Views
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When you get here I offer you a drink, and as I go to make it you drift over to the living room window and look out. You must be really engrossed in whatever it is you’re looking at because you aren’t aware that I’m back until I walk up behind you and you feel my hands touch your body. The next thing you know, my lips are kissing your neck, sending shivers up and down your spine. You sit down on the loveseat in front of the window and wait for me to join you. To your surprise, all I do is unbutton your shirt, pull it off, and walk away, sitting down on a couch across the room.
You are puzzled at this, and all you can do is stare at me in disbelief. When I don’t say anything, you get up, walk over, and sit down next to me, snuggling against me with your back to my chest. You can feel my heartbeat and the rise and fall of my breathing against your back. It feels so good to be here with me at this moment. You don’t think anything could make it any better. But you are in for a big surprise.
When you least expected it, you feel my arms come around in front of you to find your breasts and rub your already erect nipples through your red lace bra. Then, in a quiet but aggressive voice, I tell you to take off your clothes. Responding with an unexpected thrill to this new tone of command, you do as you are told, removing one item at a time until you get to your slacks. I then tell you to stand up and face me. Again, you do as you are told, and then slip off your slacks to show me that you aren’t wearing a thong.
When I don’t say anything more, you sit back down next to me and tell me to take my clothes off, too, figuring turnabout is fair play. “Make me,” comes my challenging reply.
You reach for my belt then, and the wrestling begins. This is a form of foreplay you’ve never tried before, but it is fun. I wrestle you to the floor, holding both of your wrists. You play along with the game, struggling to get loose. Every now and again you get a hand free and try to undo my belt. But when you do I spank you lightly on your ass. Each time I spank you, your pussy gets even wetter and you become hornier.
After a while I finally allow you to get loose long enough to undo my belt, open my pants, and free my semi-erect cock. As you start sucking me, I remove my shirt and you slide my pants off. At first you just lick the tip, then you wrap your lips around it and suck it like it’s a lollipop, sliding your mouth slowly back and forth, taking in every inch of it as it grows completely hard. You hear my breathing becoming faster as your oral assault on my prick continues.
When I tell you to lick my nuts, you obey like the submissive slut that I obviously want you to be. Kneeling before me, you take your mouth from my cock and move it to my balls, licking and sucking each one. When I can’t take any more, I lower you to the floor, get between your legs, and slide my cock into you, teasingly at first, then slamming it hard and deep, causing you to erupt in a small but delicious orgasm. That earns you another spank for coming without permission.
Suddenly I pull out, roll you onto your belly, spread your legs, and pull you to your knees so I can again get at your sopping wet cunt with my rigid cock. You feel light-headed. Little moans escape your lips, and you feel your pussy clenching as I drive myself into you over and over.
Then, without warning, I withdraw again. As you roll back over, I reach for your discarded shirt, then grab your wrists and use the shirt to tie them together over your head. You’re going crazy with lust as I slide my dick back inside you.
I grin down at you. “Am I the best lover you ever had? I ask hoarsely.
“Yes,” you say, because it is true.
“Are you my little slut?” I want to know.
“Yes,” you gasp.
“Tell me.”
“I’m your little slut!” you wail, and you are.
“You know,” I say, still pumping rhythmically in and out of you, “I should have done this to you when you were still with your boyfriend. You could have been full of my come!”
“Why didn’t you?” you manage to say.
“Because we weren’t fucking yet!” is my logical reply.
The conversation languishes after that, but my fucking doesn’t. My thrusts become harder and faster until you can’t take it any more. You cry out as your pussy spasms repeatedly. Unable to control yourself now, regardless of what my reaction might be, you pull your arms loose and grab onto my biceps, digging your fingers in as if never to let go while you come and come. Just as your orgasm starts to subside you feel my cock begin to twitch, and you cry out again as I groan and fill your still convulsing pussy with my jism.
Now you can’t wait to see what kind of surprise I have for you next time.
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3
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Bringing Up the Rear
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Posted:May 11, 2009 10:55 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2009 11:04 am
5120 Views
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While playing on the front nine of a complicated golf layout, a man becomes confused as to where he is on the course. Looking around, he sees a lady playing ahead of him. He walks up to her, explains his confusion, and asks her if she knows what hole he’s playing.
She replies, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanks her and goes back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happens. He approaches the lady again with the same request. She says, "I'm on the 14th hole, you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanks her and returns to his play.
He finishes his round and goes to the clubhouse where he sees the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asks the bartender if he knows the lady. The bartender says that she’s a sales lady and plays the course often.
He approaches her and says, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation of your help. I understand that you’re in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"
She replies, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answers, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughs so hard he almost loses his breath. She says, "See? I knew you’d laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replies. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
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4
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Your Most Incredible O
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Posted:May 7, 2009 8:40 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2009 5:56 am
6304 Views
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With your clit still between my lips, I place my finger on your wetness and rub it in a circle just outside your labia, nice and slow and smooth. Then up and down, still staying outside of you. Your pussy is now just dripping wet, your moisture oozing out onto my moving finger.
I love eating and fingering you. It gets you so hot that the slightest touch administered the right way sends quivers running all through you. Slowly I put my index finger inside you, just up to the first knuckle. But right there, just a little way inside your pussy, there is a certain spot. Not enough men know about this special spot, which is easy to reach, and when rubbed properly can make many women come. Sometimes I can even reach it with my tongue.
Moving my finger inside, I have to probe for the exact spot, slightly hidden in the sweet flesh. But once I’ve found it, look out!
I’m still licking and sucking your clitoris, up and down, then side to side, sometimes going fast, sometimes going slow. I work on that spot with my finger at the same time, and soon you’re going crazy with the pleasure, climaxing over and over and over again. And I haven’t really even penetrated you yet.
To satisfy the thirst of that sweet spasming pussy, I slowly slide my finger all the way inside, probing, stroking, wriggling. As you moan, I move up to your beautiful face and kiss you lovingly, sharing the taste of you that’s on my lips and in my mouth. You love the taste of snapper as much as I do. Kissing you more passionately, I pull my finger out and work your clit some more before I head back in, with two fingers this time. Pushing deep, then pulling all the way back, then pushing all the way in again. Keeping a smooth and steady pace.
Sometimes I just tease you a bit, working that spot some more with the two fingers and then jamming them both all the way in as though a cock is fucking you, hard and steady. I have more control with my fingers, though, and I can fuck you so fast with them that you nearly go out of your mind.
I move down to your nipples, sucking and nibbling. At that point every intimate part of you is screaming silently for more. Your nipples are extremely sensitive by then, and the added pleasure of my lips and tongue, with my teeth taking tiny bites at the edges, makes you come all over my fingers again. Not the big one yet, but another good hard orgasm. When you stop quaking, I pull my fingers out to let your pussy rest and contract to its normal tightness.
I bring your legs together, but I work your tits a bit more before heading back down to tease you by tonguing your crotch while your legs are closed. I move my hands to your thighs, holding them together as I lick the top of your crack, worming my tongue inside and finding your clit as you squirm and whimper with both pleasure and frustration. But I, too, have had enough teasing by now, and if I don’t get my cock inside you soon I’m going to fucking explode.
You’re turning me on even more with your moans and shudders, and now you grab me really hard, digging your fingers into my back, squeezing and pinching while you bite at my shoulders. It’s all in play, but Christ, it makes me horny! I’m unbelievably hard just thinking about the things I’m going to do next.
Gripping your inner thighs, I push your legs back so that your knees are touching your shoulders, then spread them wide, pulling your legs apart, opening your pussy to me. I know exactly where your G-spot is—and I’m coming to get it!
As I hold your thighs wide apart, your sweet round ass is resting on the edge of the mattress. I release one of your thighs, but though your leg straightens out it remains angled to one side. With my free hand I grab my rigid cock at the base and slide the head of it inside you.
From the sound of your moans, it seems as though you’re almost ready to come again, with anticipation if nothing else. With just the head inside, I find that magic spot and rub my dick back and forth against it before plunging it further in, but only up to my hand. Fucking you with only half of my dick is a titillating pleasure for both of us, and the pressure of my knuckle on your clit is an added bonus. With my cock in my fist I can control its movement inside you, steer it, guide it, move it around and add some pressure where pressure is called for.
In this manner I circle your inner walls, rubbing the top of your cunt and bringing a louder moan from your mouth. Pulling out, I tease your clit with the head of my cock, then push it back in. As I squeeze myself tightly, I fancy you can feel the throbbing of my veins inside you.
I start to pound you now, thrusting hard and fast, and as I move harder my hand starts to slip away, allowing more and more of my prick inside you with every stroke. Your pussy is dripping wet and yet still tight, seeming to draw me in deeper, both of us groaning and panting and thrusting, both of us getting closer and closer to climax.
But not yet. With a great effort I pull out once again. My fingers reach up to play with your nipples as I slide my cock down to your ass and tease you by rubbing and circling your anus. I know that one day you’ll be begging me to fuck you there, but not now. I move back up, past the sweet wetness to your clit, stroking it with the tip of my cock, rubbing it up and down and all around. You’re pulling at me now, whimpering with need, and I let you draw me into you again, gliding all the way inside you, then pulling back to rub the head against your G-spot. Holding it there, pushing against that spot, stroking it. Your pussy is so wet and hot and hungry it drives me nuts, and incredibly I can feel myself growing even harder inside you.
I’m moving now, stroking in and out again and again, all the way in and all the way out, but pounding your G-spot each time. Finally I grab your legs, twining my arms around your calves. Your legs are bent at the knees, and I turn my arms up and in so that my palms are now holding on to your inner thighs, my fingers clutching at the soft smooth flesh, your long exhausted legs basically wrapped tightly in my arms.
Now I’ve got you in a position that allows me to pull your entire body into me by the legs as I continue to pound into you, pushing harder and harder, thrusting deep and strong, touching your G-spot each time, until you finally scream in absolute ecstasy!
I pull out and let the stream of your come splash all over my cock and stomach as you convulse uncontrollably in the most incredible orgasm you’ll ever have.
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6
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First Drink
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Posted:May 5, 2009 3:54 am
Last Updated:May 8, 2009 7:10 am
4610 Views
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The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The is just a head!
But the dad loves his and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the is now old enough for his first drink.
Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the he is proud of him, and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
With all of the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent, then bursts into a whoop of joy.
Shocked, the father begs his to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink!"
The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his to drink again.
The patrons chant, "Take another drink!"
The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now, the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink, and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees, tearfully giving thanks.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left, then to the right, through the front door, and into the street where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says...
(It's coming.)
(Are you ready?)
(Take a deep breath.)
"He should have quit while he was a head!"
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2
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No More
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Posted:May 2, 2009 10:02 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2009 2:29 am
4622 Views
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My blog will no longer be available to friends who snipe at one another. It's MY blog, damnit! If you want to make a scene, do it someplace else. This is supposed to be fun. For ALL. So lighten up, will you? ~ S
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1
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Oops!
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Posted:Apr 20, 2009 5:17 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2009 4:16 pm
5722 Views
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A man and a woman are having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, notices that the man is slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watches as the man slides all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appears calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion has disappeared.
After the waitress finishes taking the order, she comes over to the table and says to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looks up at the waitress and replies firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."
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5
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