Married man's dillema? predicament? not sure....
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Posted:Jul 27, 2006 7:13 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2013 12:53 pm
2734 Views
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OK, this is something I have seen and experienced in many different venues, and I am in no means saying that it's wrong or anything like that, so please don't slam me. What I am referring to is how if you are a married man and your wife doesn't play or even know about you being here, people shun you like you have leprosy or something. And there is no doubt that there are men out there who are just looking for the next conquest and care nothing for what they have at home. I won't debate here whether or not they have issues or are just scum, that's to your own judgement.
Then there is another segment of us.
There are those of us who love our wives dearly, for whom they are our life partner and nothing seems complete without them. All areas of our union are beautiful....except the physical side.
Allow me to use my situation as an example.
My wife and I have been together as a couple for 20 years, 15 of those in marriage. I love her deeply, and for the entire time of our relationship have worked to build up her self esteem and overcome the trauma she suffered growing up. Her parents were emotionally and physically abusive. They indoctrinated her in the oh-so wonderful archaic attitude that sex is for procreation only, and women are not supposed to enjoy it, while at the same time her father teased and commented on her breasts when she was a . Add to that the fact that she is manic/depressive and has physical problems, and all in all it adds up to not much of a physical relationship, although a deeply fulfilling emotional relationship.
Now, some of this I did know before we married, some of it only came out after we wed. I submit to you, should I force myself, a very physically affectionate person, into a life of celibacy? Should I divorce the woman I love, my emotional and intellectual match, for a purely physical issue? Should I hurt her feelings by telling her that physically this just ain't working? Or should I discreetly and safely find an outlet for my physical side?
I realize that this all sounds like one big rationalization, and perhaps it is. Believe me, I carry no small amount of guilt over this. And yes, we have discussed this issue before, and it has led to tears and recriminations, with no solution. And yes, I did gently broach the subject of swinging or perhaps my finding a sexual partner, to be met with "no way."
I guess the ultimate point of this rant is to say, don't paint all us married men with the same brush. Yes, there are men who just want to have sex with anything in a skirt, but some of us really just want to find one person to share physical intimacy with. Again, nothing against those who flat out reject married men; I am sure they have been burned before, or know those who have been. I respect their position, all I ask is that you respect mine.
Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too? I don't know, maybe so. You are welcome to your own opinion.
Till next time...
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