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She
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She Beginning: And then someone will say something to the effect of, “Hubby hasn’t been pulling his weight, guess ain’t getting any tonight?” I am sticking with heterosexual relationships as they are the ones I am most familiar with. (I do not assume this sort of thing doesn’t occur in gay or bisexual relationships, nor do I assume there are no straight men would ever withhold from their partners.) Most of the responses will be laughter, or hearty words of support commending her for showing her man what’s up. They are almost all happy. I have a lot of feelings when I hear this, and happiness isn’t of them. I feel jealous. Jealous of the crazy amount of she must be having afford go without it prove a point. I feel angry. Angry that something which is so important a healthy relationship could ever be reduced a mere bargaining chip. I feel ashamed. Ashamed that while we have come so far as women, our sexuality is often seen as our source of power. Mostly, I feel sad. Sad that the way she can get through her husband is go without something in theory both partners should enjoy. Sad that maybe her life is so unpleasant she would so freely go without. Sad that this is seen as a badge of honor and not as a sign of a troubled relationship. Let be clear: no should never ever feel compelled engage in any sexual activity. in a marriage is still R ape. Nobody “owes” anyone sex. It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday, he got a promotion or he did the dishes. I have just as big an issue of using sex as a reward as I do with using it (or not using it) as a punishment. If sex isn’t something both parties are into, that is a problem. If we withhold sex we aren’t merely denying your partner. We are denying ourselves. We are denying ourselves the opportunity for connection. We are denying ourselves gratification. You are denying ourselves something which is quintessential for a thriving marriage.(relationship) END Sex is a powerful thing, I think we can all agree. Hell, this sight wouldn't survive without it. Yet, for some of us, sex has become a chore, mundane and without feeling. It's just like any sort of power, if misused, it can be dangerous or detrimental to those affected. I suppose men and women get objectified when it comes to sex. When this happens, it becomes more about quantity. It's too bad more people don't strive for quality and take sex seriously, not that sex can't or shouldn't be fun and lighthearted, it should. I'm not suggesting quality comes when you're in love with someone, for it may or may not be enhanced. Unfortunately, some of us are aware love doesn't equate better sex. So, maybe we shouldn't be so quick judge, the lucky ones are. |
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