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Blogs > passionately68 > My Blog

Finished  

passionately68 82F
576 posts
6/20/2017 1:34 pm

Last Read:
10/18/2017 12:32 pm
Finished

Good afternoon everyone,
This will be shorter but I will finish it. On the 6th of this month, my husband and I drove to Rosarito Beach, Baja MX for a week and to visit the construction of the condo we have purchased there. The first night there I had my wallet stolen. I had no credit cards in it but I had my driver's licences, medical cards, medicare card and a check book. I call my bank immediately and they put a hold on everything. So I didn't worry about and just knew I would have to waste time at the DMV, SS, banks ect. I couldn't use my phone there and had called on my husband's phone. So I wasn't using my phone but on the 10th I saw a terrible message from my sister in law, telling me my brother had taken a fall. We drove up to San Diego and booked into a hotel there so I could make calls. My sister in law told me he had taken a fall, flat on his face and shattered his nose and broke his neck and wasn't breathing when the EMT's arrived and they put a breathing tube in because there was no DNR on record. He was moved to ICU and the saga begins. That was on a Saturday and the doctors said they would remove the tube on Monday and operate on his neck. So they pulled the tube and he couldn't breathe but they put it back in and proceeded with the surgery, going in though his throat. The next day they took him back in and worked from the back of his neck and fused C1-C7 and laminated it. Now he would never be able to move his head again. On the 15th they removed the tube and he was breathing. They did a Cat Scan that day and came to my sister in law and said he would never be able to eat food again and did she want to put in a tummy tube. I had been on the phone with her during all this. I was gentle with her but in the absince of that DNR I asked her if Jim would want to live like this? He wasn't responsive to doctors, her, his or his environment. I asked to speak to his doctors and one called me and he said the fall had done massive brain damage. I asked him why he had not told my sister in law this? So he did inform them and it was his suggestion that Jim be with hospice. So that night they moved him to hospice and put on morphine. The next morning my dear brother passed on and now is free of this dreaded disease and all the unnecessary surgeries with that pain. I am happy for him but still the tears come at time, for no apparent reason.
What I want to say now is that if you don't have a will, at least put a DNR in your medical chart. It's such agony for your loved ones that won't know your wishes with out one. As a retired RN I have seen this scenario play out so many times. My brother would never have wanted to even be revived by the EMT's. I know that in my heart of hearts. With all his fortune he didn't have a will. Of course that had been married for 43 years so my sister in law will have no money worries but the emotional impact of watching him in die in this way was so unnecessary. I beg you not to put your families though his.
Hugs and Kisses
Judy

everydaynd22 69M  
3 posts
6/20/2017 1:42 pm

 Wow so sad to hear. I totally agree with you.


passionately68 replies on 6/20/2017 2:14 pm:
It is sad and so avoidable. I hope you have some directives in place dear. I am 75 years old and have lost four people my age, one that was a year older and one 16 years younger. Dear, dear friends of mine and only one that had given her family that gift.
Hugs,
Judy

tum_hare7 37M
1 post
6/20/2017 2:20 pm

 such a sad story...
may god give u enough stregth to tide over


passionately68 replies on 6/20/2017 3:53 pm:
Thank you for reading me. I don't want to bum people out. He was a great man but suffered and it could have been much less. I just don't want others to be in that situation when their time comes.
Hugs to you sweetie
Judy

c0cksr1ng 61M
2960 posts
6/20/2017 4:02 pm

 May you and your family have peace in your hearts


passionately68 replies on 6/21/2017 9:28 am:
Thank you dear. I am at peace now because I know he is.
xx
Judy

elf123 73M
Ask me for a photo
99 posts
6/20/2017 5:25 pm

 My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family/ You advice is so correct and hope that everyone takes note to make our lives easier at troubling times. God Bless


passionately68 replies on 6/21/2017 9:35 am:
Thank you sweet man and I surely hope people will. I could have kept this from all of you but I feel so strongly about it. My sister in law and niece were the ones struggling. I am happy I could have their back in any decision but I am grateful that they could let him go even though they are very religious. I don't think it has anything to do with religion. I am sure it was bad timing because I know my bro didn't think he was getting Alzheimer's and unprepared but it was too late to get that in place.
Hugs to you dear
Judy

leon05942 30M
36 posts
6/20/2017 6:40 pm

 que historia, mis mejores deseos!!


passionately68 replies on 6/21/2017 9:27 am:
Gracias por leerlo querido y gracias por sus amables deseos para mi familia

sixforu69 77M
Ask me for a photo
110 posts
6/20/2017 8:48 pm

 Once again so sorry for your loss Judy and your advice is right on the money. I don't have anything to tell I want DNR on my will but that is going to be taken care of before this week is out...
xox
Jerry


passionately68 replies on 6/21/2017 9:45 am:
Jerry if only you does get a DNR then I am happy I shared this. It's such a simple thing to do. People should have wills also. My mom and dad had living trusts and it made my grief at their passing so much easier. They had even paid for their service, caskets and burial. of course now most people want to be cremated. I have that wish in paper. At my age or older I don't know if my organs would be of any use but I have a donor card and hope something might be useful. Please suggest this to Dixie also. She has had cancer and you can direct anyone to fulfill your wishes.
Hugs and Kisses my dear friend
Judy

afunnguy12 51M  
4 posts
6/21/2017 10:03 pm

 Hi, I am so sorry to read this and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
I know that words can never express what you all are going thru, just know we are all here for you. Smooch!!


passionately68 replies on 6/22/2017 9:28 am:
Thank you sweetie pie. I am so blessed to have real friends, like you, on this "swingers" site. I truly appreciate your kind words. I decided not to go back to Texas for his memorial service. I prefer to remember the good visit I had with him a couple of months ago. He remembered me and there was a lot of hugs and some genuine laughter. That is what I dwell on today.
My love to you kind sir,
Judy

grampaakela2 75M

6/23/2017 7:22 am

 My deepest condolences to you and your family dear heart. The DNR addition seems a bit extreme and yet the suffering and loss of Quality of Life that invasive surgeries cause make the DNR the best thing to have. He is at peace and I hope that the shock of his passing becomes bearable. All my best wishes. Bob M


passionately68 replies on 6/23/2017 10:48 am:
Thank you ever so much dear. There are times that people recover from devastating circumstances that doctors felt they couldn't. I worked ICU for a few years and saw that a couple of times. But that is not near the norm. Take my brother for instinct's. He was in a facility that cost 9 thousand dollars a month. They didn't question if he had one in place. He wasn't breathing when the EMT's arrived and they had to put him on life support. When he arrived at the ER they did a brain scan and knew he had bleeding in the brain along with a broken neck and shattered nose. If I were to have Alzheimer's along with Aphasia and took a fall like that, I would not want to be revived, have two surgeries etc, etc,. I am happy he is not free of all of that. I wrote about DNR's because no one knows what could happen to them. Thank you again for your kind words. I am blessed on this site to have such good friends.
Hugs and kisses
Judy

yamahavet 70M
103 posts
1/18/2018 11:06 pm

 I feel the pain he endured because I to had or have cervical spine problems. They went in the front of his neck and fused C2 and C3 from my own pelvic bone craft . Also C4 - C6 have 2 plates, 6 screws and 3 pads for artificial disc holding them apart. It's been 4 years and I still receive epidural injections for the pain. I have swallowing issues as well that keep closing off and gets food caught. Most of the vertebrates were either flat, bone to bone and C7 had caused irreversible damage to the spinal cord.
Mainly it's was from off road motorcycles and dune buggy crashes. I never had a problem until my left arm was tingling and going lifeless at a age 60.
By the way you are one stunning beautiful woman.


Slider195669 67M
16 posts
5/4/2018 1:01 pm

 Hi, Passionately! It’s been some time since have been connected! You knew me as JustHrnyM! Hope we can reconnect!


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