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Blogs > spiderj72 > Going to Hell for sure

Help.  

spiderj72 51M
5951 posts
9/24/2013 3:00 pm
Help.

I may have forgotten how to make love. Its like a penis thing right? I think it goes into the lady but I am not sure where?

Kissing is just your lips together right? That hasn't changed has it? We don't do it with our ears or anything right?

And I seem to recall something about the bum. I seem to distantly recall some obsession I had with it. Anyone willing to help me clear this all up?

japaneseass 56F  
50231 posts
9/25/2013 11:48 am

 uncle spider...get a hold of yourself...you know there is no right or wrong in making love...so you know, you can put your penis in my ears...or nibbles my button nose, if you want to...just go at it...have fun...do whatever comes natural to yah...good luck...


spiderj72 51M
7898 posts
9/27/2013 6:19 am
    Quoting japaneseass:
    uncle spider...get a hold of yourself...you know there is no right or wrong in making love...so you know, you can put your penis in my ears...or nibbles my button nose, if you want to...just go at it...have fun...do whatever comes natural to yah...good luck...
thank you darling. after your own recent art picture I think I may just be able to get by this problem I am having.


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
9/28/2013 5:43 am

 Here's what you want to do, in this very specific order. (It hurts really bad if you get the steps out of order!)

1) Place your love interest on her/his back on a relatively flat surface. If you haven't already removed their clothing, imagine I included step 1/2) Remove your love interest's clothing.

2) Place 3 slices of bologna over both nipples and the naval of your love interest.

3) Smear your love interests thighs with jelly. Jam or preserves will work too, but grape jelly has a proven track record.

4) Jog around your love making area 3 times while whistling and throwing Filberts in random directions. This chases away evil spirits and also gets the Filberts out of your mixed nuts. Nobody likes Filberts.

5) Approach your love interest and hover over them while staring deeply into their eyes. Once their eyes start to water from matching your staring, quickly (yet gently) suck the tears from their eyesockets and use it to extinguish 1 of the 7 candles you lit earlier.

1/4) Light 7 candles and place them around your love making area.

6) Eat 1 of the 3 slices of bologna you placed onto your love interest's body. This will supply the exact caloric level needed to perform steps 7 - 9.

THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK


spiderj72 51M
7898 posts
9/30/2013 5:55 am
    Quoting OneStrangeBeast:
    Here's what you want to do, in this very specific order. (It hurts really bad if you get the steps out of order!)

    1) Place your love interest on her/his back on a relatively flat surface. If you haven't already removed their clothing, imagine I included step 1/2) Remove your love interest's clothing.

    2) Place 3 slices of bologna over both nipples and the naval of your love interest.

    3) Smear your love interests thighs with jelly. Jam or preserves will work too, but grape jelly has a proven track record.

    4) Jog around your love making area 3 times while whistling and throwing Filberts in random directions. This chases away evil spirits and also gets the Filberts out of your mixed nuts. Nobody likes Filberts.

    5) Approach your love interest and hover over them while staring deeply into their eyes. Once their eyes start to water from matching your staring, quickly (yet gently) suck the tears from their eyesockets and use it to extinguish 1 of the 7 candles you lit earlier.

    1/4) Light 7 candles and place them around your love making area.

    6) Eat 1 of the 3 slices of bologna you placed onto your love interest's body. This will supply the exact caloric level needed to perform steps 7 - 9.

    THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK
I really don't seem to remember this much food based foreplay. and have you ever randomly stepped on a scattered filbert. Mood killer that pain, almost as good as a lego block.


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