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| Blogs > rm_c0nn1ev5 > Relations Not Relationships... |
Rambling and Babbling
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Rambling and Babbling In your opinion, can a person who is not loquacious have much to offer? In your opinion, is there integrity in being choosy in which conversations to participate in? In your opinion, is it honorable to abstain from gossiping, badmouthing, ridiculing and just simply passing along any/all info just because you know it. And don't you think it is the most ultimate form of decency to just keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything nice to say? I try to live my life, express myself, and keep my thoughts guided by the adage "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't day anything at all". You know when you don't talk you learn to listen. When you spend more time listening you can learn more. I think I am a good person because of this deliberate decision. I am not perfect, I have fucked up, caused people hurt because of my words. After those moments I was able to recognize my mistake and work diligently to make amends and never repeat. In the past year I pulled away and withdrew because of dealing with an ex husband stalker and police. Also, my 16 year old had a major health scare with the possibility of cancer. All along this past year he is dealing with a stomach ulcer, acid reflux, and IBS. Now dealing with my not wanting to go back to school. He always hated school and was just barely getting by. My emotions have been all over the place. The ex is now leaving me/us alone. And the cancer scare is no more, just have to get my to want to go back to school. There is a problem now though. Even though I have been blogging in the past, I am finding it hard to open up now. It is difficult for me to participate in casual conversations with others. It has taken me a painfully long time just to write this, and still not sure where it is going. I know this is a form of depression and usually I can snap myself out of this funk, without causing any damage, and return back to my good natured and kind self. But now I am wanting to scream anger and cry heartbreak at same time and not give a damn about the result to me, to my family, or others. If I do let these emotions go I will scare everyone!!! Here I Am Practice What You Preach    |
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3/17/2012 7:55 pm |
Not opening up like you used to?...I call that self preservation. Sometimes when we deal with emotional issues such as you have been doing, it's harder to allow others in. Therefore we close every avenue we are used to sharing with others. Be it fear of them offering help, tired of hearing "I know what you're going through" or simply don't want to answer 1000 questions that really matter to no one but you, self preservation is the only way. Share my journey...I write when my soul cries.
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I am no doctor so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but I've suffered from either depression or anxiety to the point where I withdrew from family and friends. Not that I wanted to, but I just wanted to avoid conversations, most times feeling like I had nothing to contribute. I'm not yet out of the woods but I've become more communicative with the people around me. I still keep up a barrier but I know I'm way better than I was 2 years ago. When I was told to seek help I totally ignored the advice because I felt I was better equipped to deal with it than an outside source, but all I did was get worse. I think if you notice you are pulling away more then it might be wise to seek aid. The doctor told me that sometimes there are certain chemicals which we loose that causes this urge to back away, and we don't replace those without some kind of assistance. If you feel like venting here then by all means, do so. Don't let what anyone has to say about you venting deter you. If someone don't like what they read then they really don't have to come back. There will still be others who are curious about what you are coming with next. I wish you all the best.
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First, you agree there is a difference then you create a hypothetical scenario which took my writing to a place I was not going. But hey that is okay,you did have to twist me venting my depression to get your point across. Second, maybe we do agree, and we are just saying it in different ways, that is fine with me. You know I do hope that if anyone ever does confide in you that they are feeling a bit depressed and experiencing trouble with having simple conversations, please, please do not tell them you think they are self-absorbed and being self-righteous. Surely you don't want to send someone over the edge. Here I Am Practice What You Preach
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Thank you for your comment. You based your comment on "standing up and speaking the truth" There is not one instance in my writing where I consider not speaking the "truth", or give voice and strength to "lies" I am speaking of refraining from conversations where the topic is gossip, ridicule, bad mouthing, and/or eagerly sharing info that was revealed to you in confidence. To me there is a difference. Here I Am Practice What You Preach
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nice writing n bice profile Here I Am Practice What You Preach
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3/3/2011 10:42 pm |
nice writing n bice profile
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