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| Blogs > sadock_76 > Random Thoughts re: AFF et al |
Online Dating Protocol et al
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Online Dating Protocol et al Online dating isn't all that difficult if you follow a few elementary precautions. The problem is that many people get paranoid and take the safety measures to extremes. So let's walk through this and, please, feel free to point out any errors you see. 1) NoStrings starts us off with no personal contact information within the first two emails. Extremely annoying for standard members, but a necessary evil to prevent scammers, spammers, and other abusers of the online dating community. 2) I'm not sure why this needs to be said, but it does. NEVER give anyone banking information, passwords, or anything else like that online. Why the fuck would they need it? I couldn't believe that someone I encountered actually considered giving this data to a stranger. 3) After you've established a preliminary rapport, that's when it becomes a little more grey, but not a whole lot. Keep things balanced. Trust is a two way street. If I give someone my name or phone #, I don't see why they should continue to hide theirs. Sure, one of you has to make the first step. I'm nearly always willing to do that. Bottom line, if someone wants to play hide and seek, they're probably not worth your time. 4) Picture exchange. Some people have jobs where they need to keep their identities anonymous online. That makes sense. But it does not make sense that they should ask you (or me) to expect full disclosure from you without sending you private pictures if they're interested in you. If they're online, they should have current pictures of themselves. Given the combination of webcams, digital cameras, and cellphones with cameras in the modern world, there's no excuse for them not to share current pics with someone they're interested in. 5) Talk on the phone. If the person sounds sketchy, be polite and move on. If you need to, talk a second time. Slow is better than sorry, but don't waste either parties' time. Two phone calls should be plenty to decide if they're worth meeting. 6) Arrange a meeting in a public place where you feel safe. This is crucial. Never meet up in private when you have your first meeting. Regardless of how sweet and charming they may have been online, they are still a stranger at this point. There's no substitute for a face to face meeting where you can get a sense of body language and all of the other intangibles. If the pictures they've sent you don't match with the person who meets you, walk away. They lied to you. Period. There's no excuse for that. 7) From this point treat it as you would any other dating scenario. Don't feel compelled to have sex with someone just because you flirted with them online or on the phone. Take it slow. Don't play with anyone unless it feels right to you. I've gone both ways with people I've met online. Trust your instincts and you'll be fine. Do not let yourself be pressured into doing anything you feel uncomfortable with. Okay, that's my general protocol which I'm pretty sure will apply to most folks. Now for my personal foibles. I loathe IMing and text messaging. If you need to get a hold of me in real time, call me. If it can wait, email me. If we've exchanged outside email addresses, you'll get a much quicker response. Frankly, NoStrings's interface blows. |
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