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| Blogs > indymanandwife0 > I Now Pronounce U Indyman&wife |
Friends... How many of us have them.
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Friends... How many of us have them. OK. I love old and that is a favorite song of mine from Whodini. But the topic is not really about music (although I could talk about music all day and night) The topic is friends, or my lack of friends. I don't have very many friends. True friends. People I would call when something is wrong or that call me when something is wrong with them. I don't really have anyone (outside of family) that I can bounce ideas off of or talk about my triumphs, or defeats, the highs and lows. I'm not sure why  OK. I do know why. TRUST. That is something I don't have enough of. I am a very very skeptical person. I have the thoughts that everything happens for a reason and that when somebody does something that has a negative impact on others, that it is usually done out of some personal motivation and not truly selfless. I know that nobody is always selfless. Even Ghandi wanted the last piece of pie sometimes I am sure. I was raised to always be polite and welcoming unless someone gave me a reason not to be. I can say I don't have many (or any) enemies in this world. Most people that meet me really like me (as long as I talk to them and let them know me, and not the hard outer shell) I think we all have had experiences that were less than favorable with friends, family, opposite (or same in some case) sex relationships. I have just become soooo truly guarded. I think there are a lot of reasons. Some go back to me smoking pot. Yes I quit a few years ago in case you wondered. But I always had to be careful about who I let in, because I didn't want people I worked with, or family to know about my vice. But now I don't have a reason. I can tell you that I don't have any friends from gradeschool. I don't have any friends from middle school. I don't have any friends from high school. I don't have any friends from college. I had to quit hanging out with my pot smoking friends because I am still tempted. They had been my friends longer than anyone. I still talk to them every once in a while, but really cannot hang out with them for fear of slipping. I have had friends in every phase of my life screw me over royally. From literaly screwing my girlfriends, to lying, stealing, talking about me behind my back, taking promotions that were meant for me after telling me they weren't interested. It goes on and on. Girlfriends cheating, using, taking advantage, taking for granted etc. I really have 4 people in my life I would consider good friends. One is my wife. She is my best friend. She is better to me and for me than anything in my life. She is like my oxygen. I can't breathe without her. One is Magical Stacie. I love her to death. we have known her for less than a year, but she is one of the most interesting, caring, loving people I have ever met and I am lucky to consider her a friend. One is my ex-brother in law. We started being friends when I was a and he was dating my sister and we have stayed friends through him and my sister divorcing and some of his health problems. Unfortunatly he is one of the people I consistently smoked with so I can't see him with any regularity. One is an eccentric lady I work with. She is one of the most creative people I have ever met. Real straight shooter. Everyone loves her. She is great. Thats it. If I didnt mention you, please dont take offense. That doesn't mean I don't like you or don't consider you a friend. It is probably that i have not opened myself up enough and let you get to know the real me and took the time to get to know you. I know I need to get better. I have been coming out of my turtle shell more lately, with the Indy Sex Freaks meet and greets and things like that. I'm trying. I am just so skeptical and guarded from getting my feelings hurt, that it is really hard for me. Thanks for reading!! |
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5/28/2008 6:48 pm |
I have always told the younger members of my family that if you go thru life and make ONE friend that you keep your whole life you are very lucky. It takes trust to be a good and loved friend, I agree. But it also takes work...and patience...and an open mind. I have one true, dear friend. We have been friends for almost 30 years. It didn't happen overnight. It took many years to build what we have now. I am closer to her than to most of my own family. She has been there for every important event in my life, good and bad. From taking me out to party when I turned 21, to standing beside me when I lost my Mom to cancer. So don't feel bad that you count only four as true friends...you are an extremely lucky person.... Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
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