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BLOG WARS!
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BLOG WARS! Author's Note: This morality play was inspired by events taking place in BlogLand's very first year (2005) that shook the place pretty hard. The "popular list" bloggers of the time were turned out of their lofty places at the top by newer bloggers who used the devices at their disposal to manipulate their climb to the top. Foremost among these devices was filling their posts with comments. Comments that were designed to increase the overall total number of comments (which was the way the popular list was determined), and were mostly just words having nothing to do with the original post. For example, a blogger could become the "top" blogger by simply writing a one word comment over and over and over again in their post ad nausea. Friends would come in to help and before long the post would have 200 or more comments in it. Eventually, the site instituted the "unique comment" as the way to determine "Number One" and "blog padding" went by the wayside. Anyway, there were many bruised egos as a result, and of course I found the whole thing to be quite amusing (as well as an interesting example of pride and other assorted human behaviors), and used the entire controversy as fodder for the following piece of satire. My thanks to today's actors in this remake of an early production. Their pics have refreshed this old piece.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BLOGLAND PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS: BLOG WARS! A BLOGWAY MORALITY PLAY STARRING:  yellowflower56 AS PRINCIPAL LAY    Darling_Annette AS RU-FREE2SCREW?  Snookeroo1000 AS AN IMPERIAL BLOGTROOPER AND INTRODUCING Tala4u2 AS YA-OWE-ME-ONE CUM-BLOW-ME PLAY FOUND INSIDE POST ENTER & ENJOY BlogLand Productions roster of BALONEY AWARD winning morality plays is the finest in the theatre-blog industry. They include STAR WRECK the 13th Virtual Symposium, Conversations From BlogLand High, The Wizard of Blogz, BLOG WARS, It's a Wonderful Blog, biG, and A BlogLand Christmas Carol. |
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BLOG WARS Episode ? RETURN OF THE SLITS Long ago, in a galaxy far far away... The Blogactic Republic has seen its better days. Once offering peace and stability throughout the known blogosphere the Republic is now but a shadow of its former preeminence and glory. For a new power has arisen and wrested control. Wielding fearsome new weapons The New Empire has assailed the old Republic with a ferocity never before witnessed, and a velocity approaching light speed. In short order, the old Republic was swept away. On a quest to destroy The New Empire's most powerful weapon, The Blog Padder, a small band of loyalists begin their dangerous mission. Tala4u2 Enough! Stop this squabbling! You sound like the Emperor and his cronies. Bickering over such drivel, and harping and sniping at each other. The fate of the Blogosphere is in our hands. All eyes are upon us. We must not fail. yellowflower56 Or open our legs to spacemen. yellowflower56 Oh! You are SO in trouble for saying that, Hung So-Low.
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Tala4u2 I agree. That was a low blow, So-Low. Now stop this everyone! Can't you see what is happening to us? The shadow of the Empire has spread, and even now we are under the influence of the DARK SIDE of the FARCE. We must cleanse our minds of conflict and doubt. Think of FLOWERS rather than fights. For it is with flowers that we shall defeat the Empire, and restore good will to the Blogosphere. yellowflower56 Give it up, Hung. Tala4u2 What Fluke says is true Hung So-Low. With the Farce as his ally, a red-eye can part many heavenly bodies in a single night. But that is for another time. Now we must concentrate on our mission. The Blog Padder must be destroyed, and we need to act swiftly.
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Tala4u2 I'm afraid so, Fluke Tala4u2 Your father he is, but face him you must. Your mother is not the only woman to fall under his spell then to be cast aside. You must defeat him, and restore confidence to the hearts of all women. Tala4u2 Unclear, his future is. But, he is a BlogWriter, and in him the Farce is strong. Be wary when you confront him. He can turn you yet. Then what will your principal lay become? Your right hand? (And with that new bionic model that you have attached you could sever your sabre if you're not careful). Nay! Heart Jader must be stopped! Tala4u2 Not those places, Principal Lay! Get your nose out of Cute Back-up's muff. Haven't you had enough wookie yet? You're insatiable! yellowflower56 Oh pooh! Every time I try and get a little wookie from Cute Back-up somebody always has to rain on my parade. Tala4u2 Prepare to launch the stolen Imperial shuttle. Now we will see if those codes for which we paid so dearly are of any worth. When we gain entry to the Blog Padder we must take out the main reactor, and then get the hell out of there fast. When the reactor explodes inane comment shrapnel will spew forth in all directions. Fluke and I will take the shuttle. Hung So-Low, Principle Lay, and Cute Back-up will continue to Bend-Over in the Kill-Any-Man Falcon, and disable the energy shield. Let's go! MEANWHILE, ABOARD THE BLOG PADDER HEART JADER IS RESTLESS... Snookeroo1000 A shuttle sir. They are requesting permission to dock. The codes are older, but they do check out. I was just about to clear them. Shall I deny them docking?
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Snookeroo1000 Can you repeat that sir? I can't understand you with all that heavy breathing in the background. BACK ON THE SHUTTLE FLUKE SENSES HIS FATHER JUST AS HEART JADER SENSES HIS SON... Tala4u2 It's too late to retreat now. Is your sabre ready? Don't forget to bring the droids. Darling_Annette Tweet-tweet-twitter-tweet-twitter! Tala4u2 We have docked. Prepare to disembark. The deck is deserted and the coast is clear. RU, link up to the main computer and jam the firing sequence to the Blog Padder. Fluke, we must separate now. I will go to the reactor and start fucking with it. You wander around and see if there are any exciting ways to get in trouble. Then I will come back and save you even though I will have already been undone by Heart Jader. (I cheated and read ahead in the script). Tala4u2 Don't worry about it Fluke. This is a Sci-Fi morality play. Plot continuity is not necessary for the point to be made. ON THE GAY-GO-BUTT MOON OF BEND-OVER THE KILL-ANY-MAN FALCON HAS LANDED... yellowflower56 Ease up, Hung So-Low. This part of the plot is of no consequence to the overall production. Now get over here gimme some while I give Cutie some. BACK ON THE BLOG PADDER, Ya-owe-Me-One Cum-Blow-Me HAS DISABLED THE REACTOR AND IS ON HIS WAY TO FIND FLUKE, WHEN SUDDENLY HEART JADER APPEARS AND INFLATES HIS SABRE...
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Tala4u2 I knew I would find you here my old Paddle-One. Spank me, but by the size of that sabre I see that you have grown in power. Tala4u2 Enough of this chit chat Jader. All you have become is a MASTER DEBATER. And soon you will be a flower arranger. En garde! AFTER CROSSING SABRES FOR AWHILE, Ya-Owe-Me-One STOOPS TO PICK SOME FLOWERS WHEN HEART JADER POUNCES AND GIVES HIM FULL SABRE. Ya-Owe-Me-One TAKES IT TO THE HILT AND COLLAPSES INTO NOTHINGNESS AS FLUKE BLOGWRITER ENTERS THE SCENE... WITH THE DESTRUCTION OF THE BLOG PADDER PEACE HAS BEEN RESTORED TO THE BLOGOSPHERE. THE END
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OMG.  Best read in ages, still laughing.  Your talents are wasted on here. 
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A very good read. Thanks for sharing.
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Hah! I've been typecast again! And all because of a couple of sour scorned women! I vant to be alone. Great fun, Keith! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Brilliant yet again! I had forgotten about the comment scandal! it REALLY that long ago. May the Farce be with you Fluke
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I knew joining Bloggers Equity would keep me out of the really cool avant-garde productions... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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OMG. Best read in ages, still laughing. Your talents are wasted on here. blog on!
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A very good read. Thanks for sharing.  blog on!
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Hah! I've been typecast again! And all because of a couple of sour scorned women! I vant to be alone. Great fun, Keith!  Thanks for your help!
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Brilliant yet again! I had forgotten about the comment scandal! it REALLY that long ago. May the Farce be with you Fluke Yanno, with this new political season in the USA, the farce is already upon us! Yikes!  blog on!
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I knew joining Bloggers Equity would keep me out of the really cool avant-garde productions...  blog on!
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   Oh, I used to have so much fun with all that drama.  I remember the Rebels attacked the night I was having my "Hijack".  Comments were suspended for (more than) a few hours, and it causes a minor kerfuffle.  But the Empire lived!  (For a little while anyway,) Then things died down and we got back to dealing with the usual monkey-fucking-a-football bureaucracy that ever ends around here.  But look out.  It's time for a sequel and I've seen that the former Empress is back in the galaxy. 
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I refuse to leave Bend-Over; please go without me!  One of the best blog posts I've ever read.
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I was here before in blogland and didn't like what I saw so I left. I just returned back about 2 years ago. I don't care what list I am on or where I am. I blog for the fun of it and good luck to all who care where they are on what ever list they are on. I love the interaction between bloggers and that is what that keeps me coming back. hugsssssss V You wrote some interesting read here Keith.. Merry Xmas to you! I hope you do have a lovely Xmas ..  Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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