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A question i don't want to answer
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A question i don't want to answer Sundays are the day i set aside to tend to my wounded heart. I play old songs, remember Cam but i don't cry!! You asked me today if i did or if i had yet. The answer is no but the tears are so close. His birthday is soon, crying is healthy right? Crying is also frightening because i don't want to cross to the other side and begin the healing process. I feel safe in this cocoon of longing, of missing him. If i cry will i begin to be reborn into a world where I can miss him without feeling pain? Will i hear a new song and not think of him? I'm not ready for that, not sure i ever will be. Am i wallowing? No, i don't think so. I'm happy, my life is secure, comfortable. I have a new, all consuming love in my first grandchild. Its enough, I don't talk about Cam, i laugh and love and live. I have friends,especially my bestest galpal who knows my heart. Over the past couple of years my body has betrayed me. Maybe thats part of it, I really find myself limited as to what future i can contemplate. All i know is i need Cam and i cannot wash him away with tears. I’ve been around this world, Yet I see no end. All shall fade to black again and again. This storm that’s broken me, my only friend. Yeah In this river all shall fade to black In this river aint no coming back In this river all shall fade to black Aint no coming back Withdrawn a step away, just to find my self The door is closed again, the only one left This storm that’s broken me my only friend Yeah In this river all shall fade to black In this river aint no coming back In this river all shall fade to black In this river all shall fade to black In this river aint no coming back In this river all shall fade to black Aint no coming back In this river all shall fade to black In this river aint no coming back In this river all shall fade to black In this river ain't no coming back Ain't no coming back  |
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Your tears will not wash Cam away...only the sadness. He'll always be there with you in your heart and peekin' over your shoulder when you're burping that baby!! And you can smile with him.  If you are strong and push through the pain and the fear, you often find that happiness is waiting for you on the other side.
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8/24/2006 10:53 am |
There's nothing wrong with missing without the pain...If I was gone, I would be fine with people missing me, I wouldn't be fine with that being accompanied by pain. I would want people to remember me with joy and a laugh in their voice...how do you think your friend would want to be remembered? I can't believe it would be with pain...try to think about what he would like and do that....it's his memory you're honoring...at least that's what I would like if I wasn't here...
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